Lizzy Esq.

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Lizzy Esq.

@lizzyraven.bsky.social

Sarcastic lawyer and all around bad influence. Gender is fake and fun. She/Her.
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"Look on my tits, ye mighty, and despair." - Onlyfansdias
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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No but I love when all you beautiful sickos start posting shit like "Bogroubler flips Hambarn upon Gwynyychlyyrah! A huge result!" It's like hanging out with people being poisoned by carbon monoxide. None of those places are real
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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Anyway congratulations to the Tories on absolutely eating shit. You've worked so hard for this
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Just think, if Kamala Harris becomes President she can finally forgive student loans for Pell Grant recipients who start a business that operates for three years in disadvantaged communities.
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Teach your dog some patriotism and he won't be scared of fireworks.
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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This fuckin guy
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Married with Children was such a ridiculous show. "Oh bloo bloo, I have a steady job, a three-bedroom house, and a hot wife who always wants to fuck me. I'm a downtrodden everyman, bloo bloo."
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On the one hand [gestures broadly] but on the other hand I've consumed more tequila this evening than any medieval European king consumed in his lifetime.
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You invented a whole new kind of asshole.
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Uncle Jimbo yelling "It's coming right for us!" except it's Trump yelling "This is an official act!"
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I can't believe Eddie Murphy was such a baby about David Spade's falling star joke *at the time*, let alone still fussing about it thirty years later.
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Gin is a liquor for those who understand that the natural state of man is suffering, and you must find pleasure in the suffering. Rum is pure hedonism.
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Clearly the thing for Biden to do is make amending the Administrative Procedure Act to require judicial deference to reasonable statutory interpretation by federal agencies a signature issue of his campaign. That's what the people really care about.
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Please, think of the law professors.
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Justice Jackson's opinion IN FAVOR of the January 6 defendant is real East Coast law professor bullshit. "Social justice demands that we not prosecute people for storming the Capitol unless Congress explicitly tells us we can." Please.
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Imagine how much lighter the national mood would be if it was Nikki Haley vs. Gretchen Whitmer. The people didn't choose this, it's being done to us.
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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Imagine doing something this insane and the big "gotcha" is that your boyfriend is saying good morning and good night to other girls.
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I just watched the video for "Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter and if I were any of the humans involved in producing that song and/or video, including Sabrina Carpenter herself, I would be terrified about AI taking my job.
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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🎶and I said what about SECOND breakfast at Tiffany’s🎵
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Sadly we found out today that our son has developed severe allergies and can no longer live with our cats, so I'm in search of a loving home that can take in a friendly, housetrained teenage boy.
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"I mixed M&Ms and Skittles together." "You devil. You absolute madman. How could you." "This bag of Jelly Belly jellybeans has a bunch of fruit flavors mixed with things like coffee, chocolate, cinnamon, Dr. Pepper(!), marshmallow, and buttered popcorn(!!!)." "Yes, this is the correct way."
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My most heretical comedy opinion is that Andy Kaufman wasn't funny, he was just an asshole.
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NOT EVERY CANDY NEEDS SEA SALT!
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I think if Lady Gaga wants to be taken seriously as an actress she should transition to her real name. Dwayne Johnson did that because it was silly to have "The Rock" in film credits for *stupid* movies. Lady Gaga is out here trying to make "And the Academy Award goes to Lady Gaga" happen.
Reposted byAvatar Lizzy Esq.
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My new book is free on Amazon through the weekend. Celebrate Father's Day with some freaky gender-bending lesbian smut. www.amazon.com/Sheer-Desire...
Sexually Suggestive
Labeled by Bluesky Moderation Service
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My new book is free on Amazon through the weekend. Celebrate Father's Day with some freaky gender-bending lesbian smut. www.amazon.com/Sheer-Desire...
Sexually Suggestive
Labeled by Bluesky Moderation Service