the Mountain Goats: one of the most charming things about human beings is that they need explainers like this, something literally no other creatures in the animal kingdom need at all

one of the most charming things about human beings is that they need explainers like this, something literally no other creatures in the animal kingdom need at all

Not only that, but we'll get these explainers and still be like, "pft, I bet I could outrun one"

That attitude always amuses me because Usain Bolt's fastest speed (in the 60-80m interval) is 27.79 mph. There's no way Harvey Iwasahighschoolathlete doesn't get ragdolled.

it will let me pet it because animals can sense my kindness

Who needs to outrun it when you can beat it?

[Casual Geographic voice]: “this furry F-150s got enough ground speed to set your Facebook page to memorial before you get 50 meters I don’t care if you lettered in track or not”

You don't have to be faster than the bison. Just faster than one of your friends.

The bison aren't trying to eat you, you definitely have to be faster than the bison

Maybe bison wouldn't eat *you*, but I'm different

Are you… are you a sentient species of grass?

You think I'm just gonna open myself up to terminally online people demanding to touch me that easy?

It’s an herbivore though.

Your face is an herbivore

I get black bears. They'll run when humans get close unless there are cubs. I still don't get close. Law of averages is really on my side but why freak them out? Leave them alone. I do scare the foxes bc they're too comfortable w/me (dangerous for them). Bison F no. Average not on my side.

I think I could take one in a fight. “The prick buffalo reportedly exhibited a shit attitude from the moment Salazar stepped out of his car and began touring the ranch, his provocations eventually leading the secretary to coldcock the herd animal.“

Secretary Of Interior Decks Smart-Ass Buffalowww.theonion.com LIMON, CO—Saying the 1,800-pound bovine had it coming, Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar decked a wise-ass bison during his recent visit to the Prairie Ridge Buffalo Farm, sources confirmed Saturd...

this also reminds me of all the people who really like shoving their newborn babies in the face of very excited and unpredictable dogs, as if offering a snack

well I‘ve seen parents trying to put a toddler on the back of a wild sealion so...

Ah yes, a large obligate carnivore, what could go wrong

imagine it being a wild wolf that size...

Or, you know, a fucking LEOPARD.

I wouldn’t even go close to a Harbor seal and they are less than 1/3 the size but STILL A PREDATOR AS BIG AS A GROWN MAN

What WHAT

can‘t find the one I was thinking about, but this is basically the same www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/c...

Aren't sea lions basically the wolves of the sea? Large, social, intelligent predators? Not something I'd want to hand over a toddler to

i think you'll find that they're actually the lions of the sea. (i'm sorry.)

WELL to be fair they are slightly more related to dogs than to cats!

(No, I deserved it!)

That does raise a point; someone 100s of years ago gave sea lions that name and yet modern times just paints the lion reference over as if it is less meaningful than a comic superhero name...Flash was called flash for a reason, well it seems sea lions have meaning to their name too.

Oh yeah, and pretty agile on land too, compared to other seals (who could also mess you up)

Yes. They look cute and goofy on land but their mouth and teeth are as big as a lion's They probably won't view the toddler as food but they can absolutely kill a small child and badly mess up an adult human on land.

Oh my fucking god

what? they‘re cute!

i was thinking about another video, where the parent is actually lifting the child onto the back, but happily videotaping them as they climb on seems about as responsible...

This is actually less dangerous than the sea lion.

holy fffn 💩 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀wtfbbq

Oh god make it stop

(The child in the video makes it relatively unscathed, as the sea lion decides to just… encourage her to get off, and not you know… have a snack)

The “lion” bit not being informative enough apparently

Maybe it’s like in “dandelion”

Shoulda had a Monster Manual handy growing up, in which I was amused that a “sea lion” was a lion in the way that a “mermaid” is a maid 😝

🥴

wat???

*saw rest of thread* omfg 💀

thankfully the domestication instincts on dogs are turned up to 11 so this normally doesn't end as poorly as one might think

but ends poorly far too often! just saw news about yet another horrible incident unfortunately

not fair to dogs or to snack-size human infants

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