i have in multiple occasions used the phrase
“there’s not really a way for me to rearrange the words to make the situation more palatable”
one that i have heard but never used was “i don’t have enough crayons or construction paper”
I once had to tell a Lyft driver on the phone, "I'm Asian, have grey hair, and am wearing a red tiger print tracksuit. I honestly can't describe myself in another way that will help you find me."