weeder: They're so worried about how we'd handle UFO disclosure but weekly tell us things like "everyone's already permanently poisoned, also there's Legos in your dick" and expect us to go right back to work

They're so worried about how we'd handle UFO disclosure but weekly tell us things like "everyone's already permanently poisoned, also there's Legos in your dick" and expect us to go right back to work

I'm 100% convinced that if we found aliens (and they weren't like, on the white house lawn answering questions), people would stop talking about it in less than a week

What have these aliens done lately for me, the taxpayer?

Unironically yes. Can they help us fix the climate? Cure disease? Provide new energy sources? If not I can't blame people for not caring. People have too much to do and not enough time to do it.

Aliens: “Fix the climate? Sure, we can do that! Be sure to click the ‘Terms & Conditions’ box. Don’t worry about reading the fine print. It’s just the usual boiler plate…”

I highly doubt we have anything they want that they couldn't easier make for themselves.

You say that but then it turns out the aliens are all feet guys and we have the most exquisite feet in the galaxy.

The fact that we need it so badly is the best reason that they wouldn't. As Calvin once said: "The best proof that intelligent aliens live on other planets is that none of them have tried to contact us."

I mean we don't know they haven't; they just haven't landed on the WH lawn in broad daylight. Irrelevant either way I guess.

The world is going to end in fire, flood, famine and pestilence any day now but go spend your last precious moments in a thankless job that treats you like shit and doesn’t even pay you enough for basic needs, much less for the pestilence treatments. Have fun, kiddos

Keeps me in triscuits at least

I can only afford the special edition Aquaman collector’s triscuits that taste like eels

Pairs well with an aguachile

🫰Asian Triscuits are the best

wait wait wait wait wait wait T R I S C U I T S ? ? ?

You don’t have the superhero collector triscuits??? 😱

I've never even heard of triscuits before!

Can I transfer to the Lego sucking factory?

I won't come down there and slap anything out of your mouth, regardless

Bless. Nobody Likes micro-management.

And you thought stepping on them hurt!

Legos? In MY dick? (It's more likely than you think.)

Wait! Who put Legos in my dick? 😱😡

There’s what now? Well, never throwing any of these away worked out after all!

All the ladies say I've got Legos in my dick cause it really hurts their foot when they step on it

Every job in my life has involved handling thermal receipts. You know, the ones coated in known carcinogen bisphenol B

Cumming bricks rn

Since it’s likely nothing but high tech spying, they are probably trying to keep those who are conspiratorial and not…in great shape, psychologically… from going absolutely apeshit.

plan is to destroy the planet and demoralize the populace enough that people will see colonizing Mars as a good alternative

Gosh that sounds hard. The mars part.

I’ll be napping

Wake me up when we have the internet

If there were Legos in dicks Pfizer’s stock price would be down.

They are more worried about people tracing the history of the hexafoil and equilateral triangle in Western Civilization. Everything falls apart if you understand the development of the capital orders from the City of David through to the Corinthian order. It was a process of concealment.

legos are stored in the balls

It’s hard to even be angry about it anymore

More and more I find myself going from being outraged and upset to having to mourn the life the younger me thought I could have, confronting everything I thought I knew… the cynic in me is winning and I’m terrified by that

There’s very little left I find myself comfortable with doing and I find the motivation to do even those slipping through my fingers, and it’s like my life is over before it’s ever begun.

I’m tired

I feel that. I try to find beauty and meaning in nature where I can. Been growing plants lately.

I think they're worried about how many of us would side with the aliens against our government(s)

"What else have we done to your bodies that we haven't told you about? Don't worry your poisoned little heads about it."

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