Tim Onion: — Subium • Bluesky web client

Ben Collins has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever

InfoWars, a Subsidiary of The Onion is a future I could get behind

the masterstroke would be to not change anything outwards, but switch up the format until the infowars crowd is convinced that the only way to save america is congestion pricing and unrestricted immigration

fuck hire Alex back to do it. It's not like he's got anything else going on

definitely has alimony payments that aren't going to stop

Hire him back but he has to play a woke progressive character now

too obvious. he has to start the rant on how biden releasing petroleum from the strategic reserve is a ploy to fill your gas tanks with chemicals that turn you gay, and all the liberal cities are sneaking it in the gas and the congestion, so you have to stop driving in cities or you'll turn gay.

See, you really understand how it all works

Have a guy behind the camera setting alight one of Alex’s $100 bills every time he chokes on delivering a line from the teleprompter, until he just breaks down sobbing on air, incoherent and traumatised at his worst nightmare coming true

don’t stop you’re making me hard

You had me at Alex choking...

GOD PLEASE

the left hate trains because it represents "colonisation" and "capitalism" we must unwoke transport and fund high speed rail infrastructure

He is just unprincipled enough to go along with it, too.

Like if Colbert Report started with an existing audience of earnest shitheads to be trolled as long as the ruse can be maintained.

Just a simple redirect to PatriotHole

Like…imagine the Babylon Bee only funny?

INFO WARS! GLOBAL COVERAGE OF ALL WAR An Onion Company

I want highlights magazine or Boy’s life to buy them

OnInfoWars

Successful internet fundraise is always because A: it’s funny B: spite. I think he can do it

OMFG @darthbluesky.bsky.social let’s buy info wars

All proceeds of the sale go to Sandy Hook families!

It’s one media company, Michael. What could it cost, $10?

The cool thing is that any money paid for it will go to the Sandy Hook families so it's kind of a win win

TIM INFO WARS PLEASE

TIMFO WARS!

Timfonion Wars?

let me run infowars

No, me! I'll gain weight. I can cry on camera! I'll scream! I'll curse my many enemies!

Yeah that's great and all but can you constantly get in a fight with your own shirt?

I'll fight my shirt! I'll fight my pants! I'll get in a fistfight with my own fist like Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead

@bencollins.bsky.social this is a highly motivated candidate

bsky.app/profile/diog...

Pick me, Tim! Pick me! I'll be the best host InfoWars ever had! I'll tell viewers "Jeffrey Epstein is alive-- and he's behind you right now!" Not only is Sandy Hook fake, so is Connecticut! No real state could be spelled like that. Who's behind the new antisemitism? The Jews!

but will you do it from a barrel

Will you insult the grieving parents of murdered eight year old schoolchildren?

Ha! Alex just said Sandy Hook isn't real. I can top that! I'll say Connecticut isn't real. Like why would a state even be spelled like that? One C is pronounced but the next C is silent? BULLSHIT CONNECTICUT ISN'T REAL I'll scream as I tear my shirt off and eat the papers on my desk

Broooo the left is getting a media grift jobs program to match the right's. Vibe shift?

Pitch: Exact same name, exact same energy, reverse the POV. Crazy, fat guy pounding the desk and howling about actual facts.

I'm a crazy fat guy!

dare we say, get TWO crazy fat guys???

"CLIMATE CHANGE IS GONNA KILL US ALL, FOLKS!! NOT THE GAY FROGS, NOT THE GODDAMN FENTANYL. NO, OF COURSE NOT. IT'S THE RISING TIDE!!"

I’m joining the infowars on the side of misinformation

Intriguing

Curious

!

Nice

Pretty sure it's antitrust to own ClickHole *and* InfoWars

I would be in support of this one (1) digital media company consolidation

concerning

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