Retailers at Mother's Day: Your mother is a perfect angel who nurtured you all your life and deserves the absolute best.
Retailers at Father's Day: Remember that flatulent alcoholic who knocked up your mom? Maybe he likes fishing?
Two little girls in front of me on the train:
Girl 1: Do you know what 32 and 32 make?
Girl 2: 64?
Girl 1: yes! And do you know what 64 and 64 make?
Girl 2: …no?
Girl 1 [leaning in conspiratorially] You can’t add them together AND NO-ONE KNOWS WHY
Still haven't managed to get my stupid neck sorted out again but it's a convenient excuse to not attempt driving lessons or do any press-ups for a while.
minding your own goddamned business is low key goated when butting the fuck out buddy this doesn’t involve you oh yeah fine let’s take it the fuck outside is the vibe
All people older than a hundred years should get together and agree on something incredibly stupid as the secret they all tell the journalists.
“It’s just eating one stamped self addressed envelope a day, really”
"this would take out a Victorian child" are you sure? they fistfought in the horseshit-filled streets for chimney sweep jobs. we have an app that makes a guy deliver a wet hamburger and you can press a button on it to complain about the guy. this child cannot be harmed by our foods
Most cyberpunk image you'll see in the real world this month.
You may enjoy the alt-text, which provides context. Not that this image isn't glorious sans context...
The kids' school did World Book Day today and one of my son's classmates took in a book he had written about himself in order to go dressed as himself. Extraordinary, industrious dedication to putting in minimal effort there. He's one to watch.
