Funranium (AKA Phil Broughton): I had to work very hard not to laugh at the laser scorched butthole and taint from an unlicensed operator using an illegally imported laser hair remover at spa. But DEXA units are somewhat common and such places.

While a day without a DAMMIT PHIL is like a day I don't have the internet, I only get those from folks at the FDA about once a quarter. I regret to inform folks a new Broughton File has been started for Bullshit Ionizing Radiation Devices, separate from the Bullshit Laser Products one.

> FDA > ionizing radiation > bullshit device An alarming set of clues.

I recommend avoiding any spa treatments involving lasers or x-rays.

> spa treatments > X-rays Those things . . . do not belong together.

I had to work very hard not to laugh at the laser scorched butthole and taint from an unlicensed operator using an illegally imported laser hair remover at spa. But DEXA units are somewhat common and such places.

Phil why are spas doing bone scans

To show you that you are getting GAINZ from your sweet supplements (totes not steroids) and routine.

Bone gainz???

With exercise, bone density does increase.

*shotguns calcium pills* Ymmf cn’t mmkf mff exercmmf.

About 20 years ago, after a couple of broken toes, my chiropractor recommended I get a bone density scan. I was much younger than most of the people getting those at the YMCA clinic, and yup, low, but a year of calcium pills fixed it. (And that was back when I was still going to the gym.)

Yup, this is why people in menopause are advised to do weight-bearing exercise.

But BROSBROSBROS have learned all the wrong lessons.

My doctor hasn't had that talk with me yet, but I'm trying to start a light strength training routine anyway because the loss of muscle has gotten noticeable.

you do need to be careful about the bone hurting juice

My way is easier

Fat vs muscle in this scenario

I deeply regret the half-remembered incredibly stupid thing this made me go look up which I thought might have been related, but in fact is an *unrelated* incredibly stupid thing that only *apocryphally* involves intentional bone damage.

I Have Concerns even more now.

IN PARTICULAR, in America, avoid spas in Miami and Santa Monica.

I am annoyed that real life seems unlikely to ever produce energy beam weapons that can be reliably set to stun.

They seem to be able to stun inspectors 🤷

Stun and kill are both inconveniently close to each other and inconveniently far from each other. I doubt we're going to achieve any kind of sustained induced unconsciousness that doesn't require continuous monitoring and intervention by a trained professional.

Band joke

Graphic design is your passion. Thank you, this was a great thing to wake up to. My brand is incredibly strong.

DAMMIT PHIL is so powerful my phone auto capitalised those words

You are not alone I'm told.

With a moment or two of spare time, this could be turned into the 'PHIL OFFLINE' concert tour t-shirt with some of your best visits listed on the back. But I wake and baked, so just do what you can with that.

I get more Mans Life cover vibes. Replace weasels ripped my flesh with lasers scorched my butthole.

I did not expect to read "laser scorched butthole and taint" today, but I did.

Welcome to the internet!

I've been here for decades, I just have never seen that phrase and feel kind of bad I giggled.

The internet is huge and beautiful place, different every day. Errydang day a chance to say "Wow, that is a unique combination of words that is now scorched onto my soul, like an infernal tattoo. Thanks, Internet!"

The singing works if you go baroque with the pronunciation of scorchèd.

Well that's enough internet for me today

I forget my keys on a daily basis, and I can still remember a really weird porn clip for the 90s crystal clear.

[nods] It do be like that.

There are very few things I want aimed at my arse, other than admiring looks, and this sort of device has to be rocketing up the list.

Big like for "rocketing up," for obvious reasons.

I'm sure it's fine, the technician has their GED and a while twelve minutes of training!

wait wtaf

You did indeed read that.

Please don’t challenge Phil. He knows many and terrible things that are not only true but also he has all the receipts to prove it. Few are prepared to know how fragile (it’s Italian) our existence really is.

As Chaosium taught us, it is possible to lose a remarkable amount of sanity points from a single event.

This is a global and temporal truth.

oh, i’m not challenging phil, i’m excitedly responding with outrage :)

contemplating fdg-pet to show the spa client how well their facial resurfacing is working to stimulate cell growth

The only thing that stops that from happening is the easy generation and use of F-18. But if your spa has a cyclotron…

Let it be known the example I’m familiar with in that situation was/is a terrible person yet it’s still a bad thing.

This sounds even worse than butthole bleaching, which was a thing. Or the butthole tanning stuff

Those tend to not involve high powered lasers.

Why is it that whenever I see a somewhat vague Phil-response, scrolling up yields a "well that's interesting" most of the time as well as regret about half the time.

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