Mr. Am I Being Detained: Ben Franklin predicted a guy’s death to make fun of him for believing in astrology, falsely recorded the guy’s death on that date, and when the guy insisted he wasn’t dead, kept writing articles like “some sick fuck is trying to steal a dead guy’s identity”

Ben Franklin predicted a guy’s death to make fun of him for believing in astrology, falsely recorded the guy’s death on that date, and when the guy insisted he wasn’t dead, kept writing articles like “some sick fuck is trying to steal a dead guy’s identity”

My favorite thing in the world is historical records of ancient people being incredibly petty or complaining a lot

Say what you will about Ben Franklin, he would've been a poster.

He managed to get artillery for Philadelphia, even though the pacifist Quakers on the council wouldn't vote for weapons, by proposing funding for "fire engines" and interpreting the result broadly.

that's the kind of trickeration that gets you locked back up in your lamp for a while

Franklin was the First Shitposter Thursday last, a certain P——r [’tis not customary to give Names at length on these Occasions] walking carefully in clean Cloaths over some Barrels of Tar on Carpenter’s Wharff, the head of one of them unluckily gave way, and let a Leg of him in above his Knee. 🧵

whether he was upon the Catch at that time, we cannot say, but ’tis certain he caught a Tartar. ’Twas observ’d he sprung out again right briskly, verifying the common Saying, As nimble as a Bee in a Tarbarrel. 🧵

You must know there are several sorts of Bees: ’tis true he was no Honey Bee, nor yet a Humble Bee, but a Boo bee he may be allow’d to be, namely B.F.

A youth was heard to exclaim “This Poltroon is eating of Lentils!” , sparking tales of laughter

"Behold, a man" might be argued to be an example, far earlier.

Benjamin Franklin was mad he couldn't post so he started a newspaper. He was an OG big account

Benjamin Franklin would have been a big account on truth social

Some guy: Stop telling everyone I'm dead! Ben Franklin, apparently: Sometimes I can still hear his voice...

need Michael Douglas to be channeling this level of pettiness

Eating so much pussy you get throat cancer is definitely the most Franklin move by any current actor

bsky.app/profile/thew...

I now believe the ban ran from 776-1776 and the first man to eat pussy again was Benjamin Franklin at a Masonic ritual at Versailles

ben franklin was definitely a poster

He would’ve been extraordinary

He would have been an insufferable pain in the ass, but his account would have remained a community fixture anyhow.

Hahaha. I love him so much. I teach high school history and my students are always like, “Wtf? Why did everyone want to hook up with Ben Franklin?” This! These shenanigans and charisma.

Never, ever underestimate the power of making her laugh

Yup. I also think that he probably info dumped quite a bit and also seemed to like talking to women? Which are like, absolute winners for me.

How laid do you have to get that over 200 years later people are talking about how laid you got

He got VERY laid and had lots of willing partners in France while negotiating with Louis XIV’s support of the revolution. Franklin also had a buddy who was a leader of The Hellfire club, which had a meeting while Franklin was staying with him… so we know he could have gone to at least 1 orgy.

“Ben, we’re gonna need you to go to Paris and do some fuckin. Also invent a stove and some kind of chair/ladder thing.”

He invented the stove- AND refused to patent it! Truly a baller move.

This was also the source of the Jersey Devil legend

The forgotten political feud that spawned the Jersey Devil: Opinionwww.nj.com A complex political animal had been transformed into a cartoonish, pedestrian and childish monster that never existed.

titan leeds. named his damn son titan

Names of the past could be truly weird. Puts modern naming conventions into perspective

From the Biblical to the Bizarre: Puritan Names - New England Historical Societynewenglandhistoricalsociety.com Puritan names were supposed to exhort good behavior. Lucky Puritans were named Mary or John. Unlucky ones: Humiliation, Maybe or Mahershalalhasbaz.

of for sure but laughing at the choice of Increase or Titan vs like Patience or Be Faithful

Just read a book set during the English Reformation and there’s a scene where a peasant is trying to prove he’s not a heretic because all his kids are named like Please-God instead of after saints

probably banged his wife too i mean his widow

Ben Franklin is actually the source of a significant number of these sort of historically petty moments

Ben Franklin had only 2 settings: chasing pussy, and being trollishly petty.

His status as a Founding Father explains so much about America.

“The only president of the United States who was never president of the United States.”

They wouldn't let him write the Constitution because they didn't trust him not to put a joke in it.

GAH Declaration of Independence not Constitution.

Ben Franklin would absolutely have been dril

I Asked Washington if I woulde be permitted to bring mine mistresses to Kiss within the Capitol. He said Aye, but No Tongue. Upon hearing This I didst stamp mine foot so Hard that his Teethe fell Oute.

Let not my chagrin be chronicled in your broadsheets

"I hath not been Bested!" I crie as I slowly shrink into aught but a chewed Cobbe of Corne.

“Face God and walk backward into Hell” absolutely feels like a Franklin line

…what?

When the guy really died he wrote an article about how the identity thief had finally realized everyone was sick of his shit

Franklin knew that you have to commit to the bit.

Hahaha wow

This is so savage I can't even handle it

This is Swift, Bickerstaff Letters

Also what's amazing is Franklin's pettiness might have influenced some the stories behind the Jersey Devil: science.howstuffworks.com/science-vs-m...

@kbspangler.com HURRY HERE

My boy pioneered many advances in trolling.

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