I reported on economics for one (1) year. Everything I learned about it—from data on corporate pay penalties for mothers, co-pays for births, and lack of federal policies on issues like childcare or paid leave—loudly indicated there was little to no incentive for me to have children in the US.
It's important to emphasize that many Millennials are making educated, deeply considered decisions about not having kids informed by factors like the high cost of living, student loan balances, thinking about their own childhoods, climate change, and the frequent number of mass shootings at schools
Many Millennials also adopted pets in the last few years. In my case, adopting a dog and then caring for them on my own really drove home that I could not handle the responsibility of an actual human child anytime soon.
I should also mention that I have reported on finance, have a MA in business reporting, worked at the Bank of Montreal for 4.5 years, and passed the Canadian version of Series 7. I earn a decent salary at my current job, but just enough for myself and my dog's growing expenses in NYC.
News coverage of "Millennials are not having kids, oh no" should also include the overwhelming fact many men still expect women to do most of the parenting and household labor PLUS work full-time. My mom suffered that until her divorce and I'd rather be single with a dog than repeat her experience.
An exterminator who treated my apartment and gave me a pep talk told that I would clearly be a good mom because mine is great and I'd know what not to do from my other parent. But I don't have the overwhelming urge for kids and the US doesn't even have a federal sick leave policy.
Having young kids in the US can be a totally miserable draining experience with the lack of support. We have slowly built community over the past 9 years but we're still largely on our own and it's tough. I have a real co-parenting partner thankfully, would never do this w/one of THOSE men
My wife and I discussed it. But raising a kid in the US seems almost cruel these days. The US is in a long, slow decline, and it's not going to suddenly 'get better' and be a wonderful place to raise kids. Healthcare, politics, violence, economic concerns... all these factor in.
I'm always astounded at this reporting. I watched my friends with kids **suffer** during Covid, I'm watching the world fail to do anything meaningful about climate change and strip reproductive rights, and THEN kids are ridiculously expensive and time burdensome on top of everything.
I have two young kids and the last few years have really driven home that society as a whole does not give a single fuck about families, children are seen as expendable, and no one can be bothered to see past their own noses.
The double standard is real.
When my daughter was young (she's now 21), if I did any sort of parenting in public (taking her to grocery store, etc.), people would fall all over themselves to praise how I was a "great father". Meanwhile, if my wife did the same things, they'd pass without comment.
Maybe this is slowly changing. I've been out with my toddler quite often since he was little (shopping, groceries, getting coffee, the library, the pool, etc), and I've only gotten one of those comments so far.
I hope so.
My reward for being an involved father is my relationship with my daughter. We have shorthand.
After the first year (when I was just terrified that I would break her, so any affirmation was welcomed), it made me uncomfortable to receive compliments for doing the basics.
Don't forget the possibility of having a special needs child and the difficulty of accessing the needed resources and support in our system. I admire your thoughtful decision-making. Good for you.
I loved my dog but over 13 years between dental work and multiple emergency surgeries she cost order of $20k without even touching ok food and such.
I can’t even think about having another much less a kid
If the economy and "the market" were reoriented to conservation and preservation, rather than constant "growth," perhaps there could be some hope. As long as growth for growth's sake is the goal, then failure will be framed as the result.
The accuracy of this , from studies and surveys trying to correlate pet parenting to people choosing to be childfree, to people frequently wondering why childfree people so often become pet parents were well on our way. 🫠
I’m 50 years old and among my thousands of reasons for being childfree this is a big one. And I never mention it because people immediately go to “crazy cat lady.” (And also “oh you hate kids.” Not at all!)
No... I respect kids far too much to give them a mother that can't afford them and doesn't want them. I assume the parents who berate people about this are miserably regretting their decision to have kids and are trying to bully others to join them in that state. Misery loves company etc.
I definitely believe this is true. “I had to suffer, why shouldn’t you?” Really glad my friends and family who are wonderful moms never laid that on me. I love being the aunt.
I've found "Oh god no. I'm allergic" to be very effective. I think it short-circuits the "but it's different when they're your own" centre of the brain.
I don't even mind being around them, I just don't want to be RESPONSIBLE for them - I was eldest of 8, I feel like I already did my time in the diaper mines. 🤣
Absolutely. Never have I ever had so many conversations with my spouse about our future together than we did about having children. It was the middle of COVID lockdown, and we had to make the decision (both in our mid to late 30s at the time). We knew we couldn't/wouldn't/shouldn't do it.
We originally wanted two children. Given the state of the world as we were raising Raph who is now almost 11, we decided that it would have been irresponsible and that Raph deserved all we had.
I agree with you on the economic reasons, but school shootings is really an American worry, but birth rates have declined across all developed countries.
I said the US for a specific reason because I currently live here and issues like lack of paid parental leave or significant co-pays for births are additional factors compared to lower birth rates in other OECD countries like Canada or Japan.
