Kenzy: Okay but why does the Father’s Day balloon have bullet holes

Okay but why does the Father’s Day balloon have bullet holes

Because you’re supposed to overcome your father by shooting him.

Ignoring him seems to work just fine.

That works too 😂

I thought you were supposed to run him through with a lightsaber.

Because there's a whole genre of guy who will only accept signs of joy and lightheartedness if it's coated in a child's idea of manliness

Because the dad wasn't shooting blanks when the kid was conceived

Under rated comment. Thank you for your service.

Posting hole for Father’s Day

The hole hog.

Is it because mylar balloon manufacturing is done in a country that doesn’t understand the US zeitgeist and corporate oligarchy’s don’t care nor are willing to spend money on someone who reviews and corrects the products resulting in fun house mirror versions of how the world views us?

!!DING!!DING!!DING!! We have a winner! I was going to say it's because it came from China & they love clowning on us. The 4th of July fireworks packages are insane.

Because you were there for me after our school shooting?

Dark Perfect

also kind of a waste of some scarce helium

Steel bullet holes in a plastic balloon

I honestly think it's funnier that they made it a square balloon. I've honestly never seen a non-round balloon before, it's like they were worried it wouldn't be as masculine if it didn't have corners.

How’s the show I have to wait to see it

Is this a Taco Bell sauce

Because trad-masc men would rather be shot than identify with bright colors and cheerfulness.

“Here Dad, I got you a balloon for Father’s Day but not, like, in a gay way”

Some friends sent me this the other day. So I had to go get a big pink ice cream yesterday and walk down the street giving it a little bit of a sloppy toppy to watch the surrounding boomer men waiting in line for their own ice cream squirm. www.eater.com/24162871/foo...

The Food That Makes You Gaywww.eater.com Too many people grow up fearing what food might reveal about themselves. Maybe it’s time we embrace self-discovery.

That’s right Jack

Everybody Calm Down About Biden’s Ice Creamslate.com It's hardly the first time a president has made a little news while enjoying himself.

Very much mentioned in the article. There’s such a bittersweet bones deep certainty that queer people would live longer and happier, were it not for the droves of sad-trads looming around with scowls and jealousy. Aching to turn their self hatred into legislation to force everyone to be just as sad.

This is the balloon the kid buys before visiting their dad in hospital after his admission with severe bullet wounds from ending a school shooting.

Which is a pretty fucked up niche. Which makes it even more disturbing that this is somehow profitable.

Because if it's an expression of emotion that's not riddled with bulletholes, it might be gay.

OMG. I think you nailed it.

Because as men we're not allowed to display the genuine platonic love and affection we feel towards other men in our lives unless we coat it in a light dusting of societally-approved masculine signifiers.

"Dad, you're my hero." (threatening)

Father’s Day massacre

Tell me your dad’s a cop without saying it.

Every Dad fears the day their child beats them at something

Mario Kart 😭

why does it also look like a packet of taco bell hot sauce

That balloon can be interpreted as meaning "I missed you, Dad!" In that there are bullet holes on the other words in the message. Only "Dad" makes it out unscathed.

Because you miss him, that's why.

Because the Punisher shot it. Duh.

HE WAS IN FEAR FOR HIS LIFE OKAY

you *really* don't want to interrogate the American male ID down to its taproot.

*smug and ignorant patriot voice* cause 'murica! that's why!!

That better be filled with doritos or something.

Does everyone who buys one get a voucher for therapy at checkout?

Trick question! Any man with this balloon would never go to therapy.

I was thinking more of the children or the wife might need the voucher but I agree that he is a lost cause.

Because I shoot things tgat startle and scare me. Like feelings.

So dad can feel like he shot something black for Father's Day

Cause in your darkest moment, when your enemies had nearly overcome your defenses, Just as you came to peace with your coming demise, HE appeared, summoning a torrent of fire and lead, and cast your foes into the pits of Hades. He is Dad. Avenging Spirit. Defender of the Light. He is... a hero.