Danny

@mardigroan.bsky.social

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My writing's been found on food shopping lists & mini golf scores

My Bluesky tweets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:aiszm5s7rajxmnj5t35tm4qh/feed/aaadebecxn2si

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Danny

I’ve come across a lot of turtles and not one of them was a ninja.

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Danny

Pronounces Tolberone like macaroni

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Danny

Apparently I've been excused from jury duty tomorrow. I'd already had a bean burrito for dinner and have one prepped for breakfast to make sure I'd be dismissed.

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Danny

I pass you a graffiti in class, you just jaywalk the passing back to me, we go on a petite crime spree when the missing bell rings

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Danny

Thanks to auto-correct I'm now making frank steak. Sorry, Frank.

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Danny

No, I never said I was a pillar of the community. I said I was the community piller, I sell xanax at the community college.

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Danny

I regret every nap I ever faked in kindergarten

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Danny

Turns out if you want to hide something from me just leave it where it is but put it in a box or something. Every time.

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Danny

“there’s two kinds of laws, honey. one for the rich & one for the poor’

Why call it two brawling women riding UK transportation and simultaneously knocking one another out rather than Double Deck Her?

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Danny

Trump/Vance 2024

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Danny

I’ll play yacht rock ~she threatened

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Danny

HANG MIKE VANCE HANG MIKE VANCE

Only have to change two letters from the last bumper stickers

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Danny

Looking forward to shopping for kidneys on Prime Day.

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Danny

“Guys, correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe I’m sensing a lack of trust here, and frankly, it hurts my feelings.”

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Danny

Isn't JD Vance the car award?

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Danny

Yeah, the peregrine falcon is fast and cool, but what you really gotta see is the peregrine chicken.

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Danny

Can’t wait to unveil my beseech body this summer (I beseech you not to look at me)

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Danny

Me: can I wish for more wishes Genie: no Me: i wish for $20 then Genie: granted Me: *slides $20 across table* how about those wishes now

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Danny

Well, it’s comforting to know that Trump chose the worst, the most racist, misogynistic, homophobic, lying white dude and Christian nationalistic extremist he could find. A heartbeat away from running the country. Project 2025 on steroids and acid.

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Danny

so like absolutely not or you would just prefer

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Danny

This crap never happened before they stopped serving peanuts

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Danny

Interviewer: Can you explain this gap in your resume? Me: Sure. For one thousand dollars

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Danny

The hot slop masquerading as my brain is quite tired.

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Danny

Political violence always benefits authoritarians because liberals will always condemn it and authoritarians, regardless of whether they are perpetrators or victims, will always use it to claim more power.

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Danny

spirits of dead relatives watching you masturbate: creepy! disturbing shameful feeling spirit of dr ruth watching you masturbate: thrilling! want to do a good job to make her proud

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Danny

That'll be the day when I try a parody made up of songs sung knew. Five'll get you yen if you guess what happened way back in Chinatown. Remember when since I met you baby and measles made you mumpy? That's when your heartsnakes begin the beguine.

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Danny

“How does the book say to ask?” “May I please have some food.” “And, what did YOU say?” “I don’t remember.” “What did YOU say?” “Gimme food, bitch.” “See the difference?” “I guess.”

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Danny

“Hush, Wilfredo. Do not ruin this with words.”