you see your pets twitching their little limbs in their sleep and say to your partner "look, it is running through a field in its sleep", you are wrong: your pet is in a casino: throwing dice, playing slots and video poker, walking on two legs and betting large on a blackjack table
@stalledtraffic.bsky.social absolutely would have threatened to break up with me over how many times I listened to Texas Hold ‘em (36 times in one day) but I am not a psychopath and used earphones.
Keep thinking about how Stephen King played Mambo No 5 on repeat so much that his wife threatened to divorce him over it.
That just feels so unbelievably relatable
Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh and cruel.
Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great medication Zoloft is in town. Go take that. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. "But doctor," he says, "I am Zoloft."
When I was poor I had to screw things up creatively and on the cheap. Now that I make a little money, it’s much easier to screw things up in big, stupid and expensive ways.
I really miss the days when I could just look at cool art and go "wow, cool" and share it instead of having to be an investigative detective every day.
MIT will give you a Certificate of Piracy if you take fencing, sailing, shooting and archery as your required PE courses, but I was able to test out due to my wooden leg and fluent use of the letter Arrrrr.
Lately, when he's feeling energetic, my husband will say he is "full of bees." I told him that the saying is "full of beans," but according to him, that doesn't make sense.
Just now he is attempting to do a task he's put off for a year because he "has the bees" to do it.
