sliceofhell.com

@sliceofhell.bsky.social

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Because only bombing on twitter just isn’t enough for me anymore

Sliceofhell.com

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Please think of the dogs this 4th. Like mine, who wanted to open a fireworks stand, but the city will not grant him a permit

When my wife gets murdered tomorrow they’ll probably blame me

*diarrhea funneling out the left leg of my capri pants* Hey, I don’t work here, but can I get you folks anything?

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everyone is fighting some kind of battle sucker punch them while they’re focused on the other battle

First date idea: I shave your head and tell the waiter you have cancer

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No idea who that kid in my pfp is I just found it on the dark web

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Kamala Harris would be the first President that I would want to have Sexy Time with, other than Millard Fillmore of course

Feeding one kid high grade beef and the other kid low grade beef and we’re gonna settle this great beef debate once and for all

Starting to regret letting my wife bang that basketball team

If they can make a veggie burger I can make a beef watermelon

*blushing, reattaching my penis* haha, this almost never happens

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Offering to order for my date at Cracker Barrel and then just saying the names of nascar drivers to the waitress

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YOU THERE. WHAT YEAR IS IT. ARE FAT WOMEN FUCKABLE YET

“Is that a banana in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?” “It’s a plantain.”

Me: I have to say, your breasts looked nicer in your profile pic. Her: Your profile pic was a black man. Me: Actually, I was doing blackface. But I guess we all look alike to you, huh?

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If I were president I would kill everybody

Using a laser pointer to show my wife where I did the poopie

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Like a penis in a woodchipper so are the days of our lives

Using a laser pointer to indicate all the dishes my wife needs to clean

My buddy Darren and I finally succumbed to our urges. No homo but it was great

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My wife just said “Are you even listening to me?!?”, which I thought was a really strange way to start a conversation.

Building my own cybertruck out of some crap I found

Crashing my car out of boredom

Getting that surgery that makes my dick look like a single beef ravioli

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I can’t explain it but I can smell country music and it stinks

Moments before I dressed up like courtney love and shot kurt cobain I told him I was a really big fan and that his music meant a lot to me

Cosplaying as my naked father

I promise that your wife and I are only friends. In fact I find her extremely unattractive.

I’ll vote for whichever candidate bangs his daughter first

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If I was asked to convert a fraction to a decimal I’d probably throw up.