Mario, Owner of the Moon

Mario, Owner of the Moon

@wanksy.bsky.social

1152

Posts

I own the moon and you cannot prove that I do not own it.

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Live, Laugh, Labia Lacrosse

Selling something on offer up: Me: I have a thing. It’s brand new and it’s normally $100. You can have it for $50. Them: Ok can you drive it an hour south of you and I’ll give you $11 and can you babysit my dog while I go to Disneyland. Also, would you mind lancing this herpetic sore on my back?

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Enjoying a bite out of every ominous message from the great beyond it's a smorgasouija

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

A bird almost hit my windshield and I swear I heard it say “what the flock.”

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Enjoying my Sunday (the atheist way)

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

in real life when a piano falls on your head you'd be lucky if even just one or two keys became your teeth

LLMs primary accomplishment has been to make computers bad at doing math.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Lessons I've learned from the LLM era (list to be expanded, probably): 1. Sufficiently advanced autocomplete is indistinguishable from an impossibly well-read toddler on peyote. 2. Almost any decision has the potential to be a life-or-death decision, if you're bad enough at it.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

I think scented markers for adults could reunite the country

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Am I cooler than the least cool thing imaginable? Yeah, probably.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Life imitates art.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Life is made for drinking in the sun and smoking mint cigarettes for a little head rush

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

It was on this very horror a hundred years ago that I picked up some lost highway townsfolk said was just me being reincarnated from a feel good sprinkler runoff of the summer

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Live, laugh, look your mother and I are getting a divorce

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Live. Love. Laxative

Live, Laugh, Laugh, Laugh some more, Keep laughing until they assume something is wrong with you and get hauled off in an ambulance.

There aren’t enough movies nowadays where the baby is the devil.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Slipping my Kohl's Cash into the checkout clerk's g-string

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Got a 48 hour suspension from community theater for adding a very tasteful love scene between Simon the Zealot and Pontius Pilate in our production of Jesus Christ, Superstar

Her: “Hot Pockets!”

Saying “by Mennen” when I cum

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Saying “by Mennen” when I cum

My nutsack brings all the squirrels to the yard. No seriously, why are there so many squirrels. This is very scary.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

hey kid, passwords just get harder and harder until one day you die

You guys should fund my new business - doordash for craft cocktails. Cockdash

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

Bursting into tears as a federal agent shows me printouts of all my posts mentioning ska

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

jacob rees-mogg has to lose while standing next to a guy wearing a baked beans-themed balaclava

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

I want to wish a very special happy 4th of july to Steve my high school boyfriend who picked bird shit out of my hair while peaking on acid in 2006.

Apparently instead of fortunes, we just get definitions of words now.

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Mario, Owner of the Moon

On this Independence Day, don’t forget Russell Casse. If he didn’t sacrifice his life to take out the alien spaceship, we might not be here.