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This is a very good piece on the rise of choking during sex, from people who don’t raise alarms like this often. I first learned about this trend from Emily Rothman’s work on porn literacy, which grew from her work on IPV. She’s not mentioned in this, but there’s other great resources included.

Opinion | The Troubling Trend in Teenage Sexwww.nytimes.com “Choking” has moved from porn to pop culture to the dorm room. And the consequences for young women could be very serious.

My increasing “oh god, oh no, OH GOD, OH NO” face as I read this… “…while the act is often engaged in with a steady partner, a quarter of young women said partners they’d had sex with on the day they’d met also choked them.” THIS IS NOT SAFE HOLY SHIT

It’s a really good piece. She lays out the research and the risks well, everyone involved in that piece is respected and not the type to start a panic. That they’re concerned is a sign of how common this now is.

I was hoping this was just more NYTimes fear mongering.

I did too when I read the headline, but I trust the author and Dr. Herbenick.

thanks for sharing. I can tell.

Anything that causes the brain to lose oxygen is a cause for concern.

Whooaaa 😳 "Nearly two-thirds ... said a partner had choked them during sex (one-third in their most recent encounter). The rate of those women ... between the ages 12 and 17 the first time that happened had shot up to 40 percent from one in four." This was NOT an everyday thing when I was a girl.

Not an every day thing when I was a boy. Restraining wrists, pulling hair, spanking, is within pretty vanilla bounds. According to those who like and ask for it. Choking I don't get. But I'm from the "safe and consensual" post-AIDS era. It's just not safe, to me.

Oh it's definitely not safe. That's physical fact.

Nor the least bit erotic.

Well, to some people it is, despite the dangers. But I don't think that's probably the case for all of these youts, based on the article surveys and interviews. It seems like they're just doing what they think they're supposed to do.

That's the part that saddens me, as a parent: "kids today" get a distorted view of what actual humans do. The "worst" I experienced was maybe a woman on a red landline likes to put the curly cable between her labia. Which is still like 1920s sexy. My kids got a barrage of incest porn.

Also that native American woman thigh deep in the stream with a big bush.😊 Anyway even the worst of the worst in the 70s was "beaver mags" aka where you could see what a natural woman looked like. Not the same as tan steroid fakes who spit and choke like pro wrestling in hell & incest plots.

It's all so SAD. My heart breaks for them. I have nothing against a little porn by and for consenting adults (I realize the "by" part is often in question but that's another convo imo). It's unfortunate however that we don't have any real means by which to keep it more tame, at least, for kids.

That “vanilla baby” song just casually mentions choking as a vanilla activity, like what?!

Right?!?

There was a scene in The Leftovers about it that shocked me because it was treated so casually. Like there is truly no safe way to do this if BDSM experts won’t do it.

God, no, of course there isn't. Great way to give a person brain damage. I don't remember that scene, but maybe I didn't watch the whole series? I kind of vaguely remember that I thought it lost its way at some point.

It might have been first season? Honestly a lot of that series didn’t stick but yeah no nope to choking.

I'm worried about the normalization of rough sex, says Helen/Tina/Boob Punch?

It's a Bob's Burgers reference, you Philistine. And please don't put words in my mouth. What I'm worried about is the normalization of *nonconsensual* roughness—and strangling in particular, because it can kill you.

go choke women elsewhere, asshole

In what universe is that the takeaway from what I wrote?

You’re LITERALLY the only person who did not take this away from what you wrote

That there was perhaps a conflict between the normalization that the OP was talking about and her screen name? From that you not only assume a wildly misogynistic position, but presume that everyone else saw the same thing you did?

😱

Ummm. In a recent convo with my 25 y.o. niece, I asked if her new fiancee had ever been abusive. She said just one thing, he had choked her during sex until she passed out for 15 minutes. I asked her about him because he was recently arrested for child molestation. I'm told it's a false charge. Umm

I'm sorry to bogart your thread with my personal stories Mockingbird, but I'm really worried about my neice/goddaughter right now and don't know who to talk to about it.

Sounds like you have reason to be concerned. There are good resources for how to support some you fear is in an abusive relationship. This goes over some ways to help, and has links. The one I’ve heard most often is to just stay in touch, to let them know you’re going to always be there for them.

7 Helpful Things to Say to Someone in an Abusive Relationship—and 3 to Avoidwww.self.com Here's where to start.

Thanks MB. I'll read it and share your other link with my neice.

You absolutely should be concerned IIRC, strangulation is the most consistent predictor that a violent abuser will kill their partner. (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Strangu... complicates this assessment, though, when other factors are taken into account.)

oh girl, run :( !!!

No no no no no no no no no. Your niece needs to fucking run RIGHT NOW.

what’s IPV?

Intimate Partner Violence, I think

ah, thanks!

intimate partner violence because not all intimate partners live together (domestic violence)

I blame ...

Ummm...no!

Thanks for sharing this.

i dont get the appeal whatsoever

This is upsetting.

I don't doubt it. Boys were throwing "snowbunny" around last year in Middle of Nowhere High School.

📌

Parents you might want to take your young Edgelord aside and have him read this article. Because by the time a trend rises to this level of scrutiny in the Opinion section of the Sunday NYTimes it’s uncool and therefore passé.