George Pearkes: So look, I don’t have a very impressive or appealing physique, but what in the blue blazes is going on here?

So look, I don’t have a very impressive or appealing physique, but what in the blue blazes is going on here?

He's shaped like a pinata that upon bursting spills out a bunch of spiders that then form a swastika

this is what happens if you do steroids but never exercise. im sure the rampant abuse of various other drugs is not helping either!

anyway i really appreciate that this photo has the perfectly straight line elements in the background to confirm there's nothing weird happening with the lens or anything causing him to look like this.

plus plenty of his children were prophesied to overthrow him so he has swallowed them

i hate elon as much as anybody but isn’t he just barrel-chested?

That makes sense, it looks like his body mass has weird gelatinous growths all over him.

Been taken those supplements his favorite podcasters hawk.

Musk has more than enough wealth to pay a private physician to give him whatever drugs he wants whenever he wants them. It seems very likely to me that he is consuming multiple substances that are dangerous on their own but also and especially in combination with one another.

He is a pear.

I’m told this is what you look like when you do steroids or HGH but don’t work out.

bsky.app/profile/pear...

I mean that’s certainly a strong possibility but it looks like a very weird part of his chest, well below his nipple line, is the farthest out.

I mean he’s shaped like a cybertruck, which is also unattractive and the only people who think it’s useful are dumb people. So it tracks.

He might also cut your finger off if you get too near him, so the cybertruck analogy checks out

Yeah, but he definitely lacks any sharp edges.

Ah, right. Welp, every analogy breaks down eventually.

I am also told that

If I had to guess, I’d say It’s a prototype of GirdleX. The man is always inventing.

That's my hunch. Along with the drugs, that man is Spanxed from stem to stern

He's run out of women who want to have his babies, so he's trying a new experiment.

lmao

He only does rib cage day

He was drawn by Rob Liefeld

they both basically took steroids.

Not enough pouches

Kuato is the real genius apparently

Even odds he’s on roids but also not working out but also still drinking but also doing speed

I'm guessing some sort of corset under his shirt to keep him from looking even more out of shape than he already is.

No corset on earth would give him that figure unless he specifically asked the corsetierre to make him look like that.

Well there’s today’s new word taken care of.

This suggests it might be (at least partly) genetic. bsky.app/profile/publ...

and there’s nothing wrong with it, it looks different. and it gives you really impressive lung capacity

Also, I did not know that was an occupation, but it totally makes sense that it is an occupation.

3 of mine were custom made and the leather one fit so well the maker gave it to me ridiculously cheap. This one is satin. Made to measure by a structural engineer.

Having never worn one, I defer to your expertise.

Low fertility rates are a threat to civilization. WSJ is making a big deal about trying to impregnate subordinates. Extreme measures necessary.

my dad was shaped like him, obese but all visceral fat. if it’s visceral fat my guess would be he partied his way into borderline diabetes in his early 30s and isn’t managing it well outside of TRT and lazy bodybuilding

This is why I'm not complaining about wearing a suit when I need to look nice.

That’s a stress belly.

My first thought is that he's wearing a kevlar vest, but even then, it doesn't make you look **that weird.**

Don't do drugs, kids

Reminds me of Rob Liefield.

Phony Stark chest plate Mk. I still needs some work

Hgh gut?

In the Musk species the male carries the baby for the final months of gestation. This is because the female of the species cannot stand being around him for more than a few weeks. Upon being born the young also seek independence from the male as soon as they are able to ambulate.

A body shape that says I’m trying to sneak snacks into the movie theater

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