The Onion would like to congratulate its owner, G/O Media, for standing firm in its return-to-office mandate, as we can think of nowhere more conducive to best-in-class thought leadership than a fluorescent-lit room populated with the abandoned desks of terminated colleagues.
If you want to be really sadistic, make a job posting of their current job and then inform them of how many people applied. Really drill it into their head of how easy it would be to replace them with someone more desperate. 😑
Matte finish bags: when you want to warn people how totally savorless the foodstuff they're about to consume will be, put it in a matte finish bag. "Nothing shines here," they announce.
A good few years ago now I got an award (£50 Amazon voucher iirc) for "most hours logged" or similar. I missed the presentation because I was too busy fixing stuff to attend the all company meeting it was part of.
A friend told me a story of a big company gathering held at his office to give a special award to an employee that management didn't realize had suffered a nervous breakdown at work weeks earlier and was in a mental hospital.
Apparently the gathering concluded very quickly.
Best company swag ever: Schweiser Fernsehen (Swiss Broadcasting) used to hand out mini Swiss army knives with their logo on them. I held onto that thing for 25 years, and it still kills me that I lost it.
Sorry, totally off topic, but I'm grieving.
An organization that I worked for about [checks watch] 15 years ago gave every employee ... a branded ice cream scoop.
At the time, I thought it was odd. The org had absolutely nothing to do with ice cream.
But we still have it and we use it whenever we dish out ice cream.
Best swag ever.
I think the only branded merchandise I've ever used from work besides pens are a pair of wireless earbuds, which were used to listen to music in the office, and a coffee mug that would change color when full of a hot beverage (which the previous occupant of my desk had left behind).
I would dearly love to buy one in that shop in Zurich, not least because I would be doing it in the context of visiting old friends I haven't seen in years and years and miss a lot, but I would have to have a lot more money than I currently do to accomplish that.
There is nothing better than a classic small Swiss Army knife (the one with just knife, scissors, nail file, and tweezers+toothpick).
I love them so much and grieve every time I lose one (usually to the TSA). So I feel your pain!
I was on a training team for a nonprofit. We had a traditional gift exchange. One guy worked for TSA, and his gift was bringing in a box of confiscated knives for people to pick from.
Anyway , thanks for your contribution. 😁
I managed to hold onto it for *so long*... but yeah, I had to go into a gummint building, and like a fool when they asked me if I had a knife I said yes, and they said I had to leave it outside. When I left, I forgot to go get it from where I stashed it. I came back the next day, but it was gone. :(
