Brian

@sortabad.bsky.social

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Brian

they could tell because they could see the footprints on the road where he sped up

Sen. John Fetterman was speeding and "at fault" for the car accident that landed him, his wife and another driver in the hospital, according to the police report

Sen. John Fetterman 'at fault' for recent car accident, police report revealswww.usatoday.com Fetterman and his wife were involved in a car crash in northwest Maryland on Sunday. A witness said Fetterman was speeding before the accident.

Biden has been a legendary and selfless public servant. He’s now at risk of going the RBG route- ruining an entire career and legacy over hubris and inability to know when to step aside

Fairly audacious of the person who made the This is Blink-182 playlist on Spotify to just not include All The Small Things at all

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Brian

this is by far the craziest longshot candidate replacement idea I’ve heard, but if the technology’s there I’ll hear them out

oh no Biden just confused The Clash and The Ramones

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Reply to

andy™

Got an email from Redfin about “a home I might’ve missed” and opened the email to find it was a $10,500,000 home. Yes sorry I missed that one.

One upside to the attendance being so bad at the Oakland A’s games is that everyone is guaranteed to be on the Jumbotron at least once

Finally got bluesky DMs, I’ve made it

you really never know a person until you’ve seen how they react when they’re shown on the Jumbotron at a sporting event

Now guess who her long-term boyfriend was

I was today years old when I learned that former race car driver Danica Patrick is a fucking insane right winger who believes the world is being run by a lizard people conspiracy and has an Alex Jones-level YouTube channel

He’s going to keep having kids until one of them likes him.

New secret Musk baby just dropped www.bloomberg.com/features/202...

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Brian

Are you there God? What the fuck, man?

There was a time on Twitter where I’d read something this clever every day. Good ole days

i could swear it used to be called "the mandala effect"

Attorney Andre 3000: can you tell the jury, what’s cooler than being cool? Witness: [leans closer to mic] as I recall, it’s ice cold Attorney: alright alright alright alright alright alr- Prosecutor: objection your honor!

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Brian

This is beautiful www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...

More. New tonight: www.rollingstone.com/politics/pol...

Martha-Ann Alito Condemns Pride Flags, the Left, and the Mediawww.rollingstone.com Martha-Ann Alito, wife of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, in a new recording bemoans having to “look across the lagoon at the Pride flag.”

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Brian

Anyone done this one yet? @sortabad.bsky.social ?

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Brian

iCarly youCarlys weCarlymos

imagine hanging out with a 24 year old. It’s fun. Good energy, a great vibe. Nelly’s Ride Wit Me plays in the background. You mention you love this song. They aren’t familiar. “Oh,” they say, looking up from their phone, “it came out before I was born.”

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Brian

my job gave me a sack of flour to carry around for a week before they gave me a laptop

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Brian

found alito’s bluesky account

Day 4 of no power in the house

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Brian

How's this for a comeback? 30 years ago I missed my high school graduation because I dropped out, and last night my daughter graduated from high school in the event center at the university where I teach

It’s weird that me, a very young guy, is mostly friends with all the old guys at the gym, who are clearly all older than me (who is young)

I realized I’m technically old enough to have a mid-life crisis and tbh this might be the thing that causes my mid-life crisis

it’s so weird that my a-hole and my b-hole are the same thing

I don’t have a joke but I’m imagining seeing an octopus at the gym and being annoyed bc like hey bro save some machines for the rest of us

on world goth day I’d like to extend an invitation to all goths to murder me but in a sexy goth way

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Brian

Doctor: Hello. Thanks for being patient Me: Hello. Thanks for being doctor

I don’t think I have DMs here yet but once I do i will be sending photos of puppies to everyone