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@usernamenull.bsky.social

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“Maybe some other time” he said, stepping into his time machine.

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I like to pretend I’m a cat and sit on my husband’s face when he’s napping.

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Thought I’d try working my core today with some planks. Am I doing them right?

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(Clinging desperately to the fragile threads of my humanity) sure no problem I’d love to hop on a quick call

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Friend: I found a circuit board just lying in the grass. Me: Ew, put it down! That's robot poop. Friend: There's no such... Me: You'll get a nasty byte. Friend: Me: It's true.

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Cant respond, I’m putting my snake tail in my mouth

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My toxic trait is hiding important documents so well that I can never find them again

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Me(being chased by a bumblebee): ok so what are weeeEEEE

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If u need a life coach I’m available- meet me at the bar next to the meth clinic…first round of shots are on me😛

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I'm either gonna overshare, or share nothing at all with you there's really no in between

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my delusions or yours?

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I’m sorry I’m late, it’s just there is so much suffering in the world and your sense of entitlement fills me with rage so I needed a little snackaroo and a smokey smoke so I could have the strength to keep this fake ass smile on my face. How about you? How’s your day?