FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

@armyvet1972.bsky.social

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I’m neither politically correct nor incorrect. I’m just plain wrong.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

if i wanted your opinion, I'd have yanked off the duct tape.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

She’s a 10 but she changes her tampon in front of you so she’s really more of a 12.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

revenge is not enough, i need to fuck their dad

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

annoying, like a christian rock band pretending to be secular

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

Mainlining hot farts

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

Made it thru another day without spitting on someone else's junk.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

No, I can't tell you how to get to Sesame Street.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

What the world needs now is bidets for cats

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

Five minutes is longer than you think. Or shorter. Or just 5 minutes. Whatever.

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Ugh I just said “this rain is a soaker. We need it though”. I’m a Midwest Dad

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

My daughter gets frustrated when she pronounces “hail” as “hell.” Me: It’s okay, “I used to ask your grandma to watch ‘whore’ movies with me.”

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

It’s so brave of you to have your shit set to day mode

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

Tempting the naked blades of the fan with my face.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

If you ever think you’re too insignificant to make a difference in the world, just look at how much dumb shit one person can accomplish repeatedly on social media.

Look it’s pretty simple. If you don’t want a dystopian future, just don’t move to dystopia. Do I have to fucking think of everything

It is because I have spent over 52 years being deliberately aware and observant that I am able to predict with 98% certainty whether our waitress has pierced nipples

Getting a sharpie to change Aunt Linda’s Live, Laugh, Love sign to say Live, Laugh, Love, finger, lick, suck, fist, fuck, choke and creampie

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

group therapy where we discuss our problems using only Motörhead lyrics call it Lemmy for your thoughts

This is not a clique. I know that because I’m not throwing cowshit at it.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

[nic cage voice] i’m going to steal america’s extended warranty

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

If you crack your penis during reverse cowgirl it glows in the dark. Follow me for more fun tips!

Oh no no no no it’s totally conditional sorry

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yeah i’m in the resistance wait lemme get my pussy hat

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pharmacist: can you spell out the name of the prescription you want refilled please? me: absolutely, it’s C-H-E-E-T-O-S

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

Are You There, God? It's Me, Rick Astley

“EXCUSE ME, BUT THERE IS STILL A PANDEMIC GOING ON” shouted the woman from the top deck of the hotel balcony overlooking the pool as she dropped surgical masks in the middle of our orgy

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

it’s only a slumber party if i’m there.

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FRONT TOWARD ENEMY

TL;DR the bible

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HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: … ME: I assume we need to talk longer now.

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i wouldn’t tell anyone if i ever went deaf, but there would be signs