djonroberts.bsky.social

@djonroberts.bsky.social

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yes, we boiled the planet, but it was worth it to make a machine that, instead of adding two plus two, takes the statistical average of every answer to questions containing "what" "is" "two" and "plus" from a database of illegal cell phone transcripts and returns a fake nude pic of a high schooler

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Feels great to live in a country where voters might agree to end democracy because their grandchildren "have pronouns" and Burger King employees got a raise

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djonroberts.bsky.social

I don't want some egghead bureaucrat telling me whether there's poison in the water I drink. Ideally I'd want that decided by a 29yo judge who went to a "biblical law school" and does not believe dinosaurs existed, and then to have that decision reaffirmed six years later by the Supreme Court.

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Every morning I check the news and it's like -SCOTUS Eliminates Three More Basic Rights, Only Six Remain -President Mispronounces a Word, Will Now Lose Election to Senile Hitler -New AI Company Uses Artist Blood to Let Billionaires and Racists Live Forever, Gets $45 Billion Valuation

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djonroberts.bsky.social

How many celestial wonders must appear in the Heavens before the People of America realize we are in danger of losing the Mandate?

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Quid Free Version Quid Pro $5.99/mo. Quid Pro Quo $9.99/mo.

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djonroberts.bsky.social

you can't get more right than this RIP 👑

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djonroberts.bsky.social

There are only two times in Washington DC: morning jog along the Potomac when a general pulls up and tells me to get in the limo, or midnight at an empty Lincoln Memorial where I’m secretly meeting a retired general

I love it when a movie or show tells me what time it is in Washington DC. It's the only way I'd know

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djonroberts.bsky.social

as much smarter people than myself keep saying, it’s going to be WILD if it’s the beloved celebrity chef who finally moves the needle on this and not, like, the thousands of Palestinian deaths that being said: FUCK ‘EM UP, ANDRES

"This was not just a bad luck situation where ‘oops’ we dropped the bomb in the wrong place," Andres said. "Even if we were not in coordination with the (Israel Defense Forces), no democratic country and no military can be targeting civilians and humanitarians." www.reuters.com/world/middle...

Chef Jose Andres says Israel targeted his aid workers 'systematically, car by car'www.reuters.com Celebrity chef Jose Andres told Reuters in an interview on Wednesday that an Israeli attack that killed seven of his food aid workers in Gaza had targeted them "systematically, car by car."

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Making sure everyone has read Kate Wagner’s absolutely terrific — like a genuinely all-time, Grantland, SBN-in-its-heyday, talk about it 10 years later-style joy to read — F1 article that was mysteriously removed from the Road & Track website shortly after publication web.archive.org/web/20240301...

Behind F1's Velvet Curtainweb.archive.org If you wanted to turn someone into a socialist you could do it in about an hour by taking them for a spin around the paddock of a Formula 1 race. The kind of money I saw will haunt me forever.

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djonroberts.bsky.social

oh no did the woman who has no traction among a supermajority of the Republican electorate fail to win the New Hampshire primary darn

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Kid and wife both down with colds. I'm on borrowed time. A man tied to the tracks in such a way that he can see the train coming. The sound louder. The light brighter every second. I never got to see Paris.

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djonroberts.bsky.social

You should always testify at your criminal trial. Do not listen to your lawyer, who is only trying to hold you back in order to keep the spotlight on himself

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djonroberts.bsky.social

Reply to

GOLIKEHELLMACHINE

major global events — especially tragedies, and this one is beyond the scale of most — always provoke intraleft fights but the center-left are really the only ones with a seat and it’s at the kids’ table, and i kind of think it’s worth allocating mental oxygen accordingly.

man, where's NatSec Twitter when you need it

this genuinely reframed the way I think about the House GOP caucus

look: if you don’t have a majority who will vote for a Speaker, you don’t have a majority. you have two minority parties who might be able to work out a coalition agreement

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