inktoxicant

@inktoxicant.bsky.social

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inktoxicant

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inktoxicant

[restaurant] waiter: how would you like your steak me: i don't know, medium? medium: *gazes into crystal ball* you will like it a lot

"I'm getting my vitamins," I reassure myself, as I consume enough niacin to kill a horse

feeling tinnitus kick in every time I see the weird oversaturated lighting of an AI generated photo

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VIDEO ESSAYIST: but we cant talk about batman, without first discussing the perlmutter diaper corporation YOU: [transfixed] yes... i must know about perlmutter... his diapers, and batman... ME: [crouch walking up to you waiting for "PRESS X to TAKE DOWN"]

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My cat, an idiot: Those ornaments look exactly like my toys. Why can’t I play with them? Me, pinnacle of animals: That felt frog wearing a top hat is to celebrate The Lord

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If I see you break this out I'm getting the fuck out of your house

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These are 2020s anime titles

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time was on twitter you could make a cask of amontillado joke and everyone would eat that stuff up. people loved getting the reference. they’re probably expecting one at the end of this post. there’s not. but i can show you where one is

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Twitter CEO: (doing TV interview) Things are looking up for X! After days of begging I have almost convinced Dr Scholl's Shoe Insoles to buy a $100 ad spend *Elon Musk falls through ceiling dressed in SS uniform*

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1923: The world's richest man is an antisemite. The hot new music on the street is experimental jazz flute. 2023: The world's richest man is an antisemite. The hot new music on the street is experimental jazz flute.

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$3.75 in coins flew out of my pocket in an e scooter crash and now the bus stop teens are calling me sonic the hedgehog

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if gordon ramsay ever criticized my cooking i would tackle him off the side of a ledge and punch him on the way down like its gandalf vs the balrog

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This month's offerings ✨🤲✨

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come on come on come on Come on Come on COME ON COME ON HERE WE GOOO

The patch notes for a new cyberpunk update said that they removed a bug where paying a homeless person would clear your wanted level and my brain instantly created a secret homeless network of identity cleaners that I'm now upset is gone

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"He's Just Like Me FR" Says Man Who Is Absolutely Nothing Like Guts From Berserk

“He's Just Like Me FR” Says Man Who Is Absolutely Nothing Like Guts From Berserkhard-drive.net Tom Nalley, a longtime fan of the Japanese manga series Berserk recently remarked on twitter that the series protagonist, Guts, was exactly like him.

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Someone’s getting an ass-kicking

Responding to personal tragedies with an half-enthused "alright" like I'm singing a Cake song

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*to the tune of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles”*

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When Asked What Han Solo's Favorite Color Is, Harrison Ford Says "I Wish George Lucas Would Die"

When Asked What Han Solo's Favorite Color Is, Harrison Ford Says “I Wish George Lucas Would Die”hard-drive.net Whoa!! We have huge news for Star Wars fans because Han Solo actor Harrison Ford did a TELL-ALL interview with Hard Drive and revealed some…

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happy anniversary to this silly post i made

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The joke is on you, Baby.

said "give me that new pervert burrito" out loud to my empty apartment ordering taco bell on my phone

When I went to visit home last weekend after being away for a few years my stepdad looked like my childhood memory of him did a fusion dance with Tom Scott and I still can't get over it