Lew Morton

@lewmorton.bsky.social

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I am a TV comedy writer. B&B Do The Universe, VEEP, Silicon Valley, Futurama, NewsRadio, SNL, others too numerous (or not that good) to mention. Currently Beavis and Butt-Head series.

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My wife is out of town, so I have to type my hot political takes here. And let me just say, you are in for a treat

A lot of people on here very worried that people are going to not vote because of an op-ed they read. Don't worry, whimsical op-eds generally don't depress voter turn out by more than 20-30%.

"My advice, when things are going against you, and it's just getting worse and worse, is to hang onto power as long as you can!"

I was just on a walker after hip surgery, and I could have presidented the fuck out of this place

IMO this is a straight-up ageist and ableist image, no?

The Vice-President can kill the President, because the instant the murder takes place, she becomes President, and therefore immune.

My job is merely to call balls and strikes. My ruling in this case is strike -- that guy is allowed to strike people with the bat.

I blame Ford for pardoning Nixon.

Um, it's the biggest news story in America

It's been days and eight of nine links at the top of the NYT right now are about the same thing

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Lew Morton

On his first day in prison Steve Bannon should walk up to the meanest, toughest guy on the yard and breathe on him.

Joe Biden and Paul George — two guys too old for my team to give a four year contract, but they’ve backed themselves into a corner and they have to do it

The good news is the President never has to drive a car at night

As an expert in both politics and old people, I think we’ll be okay If the next debate is at 11 AM

I just checked, and the history books are not full of people who wanted to stop being president

“My role is merely that of an umpire, calling balls and strikes and floogles, which I just made up”

The industry is rapidly evolving so that people want to be able to take items off shelves so they can buy them

Walgreens will close a “significant portion” of its 8,600 U.S. locations over the next three years as it struggles to keep up with a rapidly evolving retail pharmacy industry, the company announced Thursday.

Walgreens to shutter many stores as profits tumblewapo.st The retail pharmacy giant expects to close a “significant portion” of its 8,600 U.S. locations over the next three years.

This is not real, and it bugs me that people think it's real.

Thrilled to know we got water in the woke wars.

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Lew Morton

Friends have asked what enriching summer plans my youngest child has. The answer is: locking herself in her bedroom and making Chappell Roan fan art.

"They can tell I'm wearing a wig."

Didn’t his wife say she couldn’t wait until “all this is over” and she can fly whatever flag she wants?

Alayna Treene of CNN notes that Alito was missing from the bench today and yesterday and that the press office hasn't responded to questions about his absence

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Lew Morton

🚨 FREE BVIS!!! 🚨 Detroit artist BVIS has been arrested, and now faces 6 felony counts and up to 24 years in prison. I'm going 2 be doing Beavis and Butthead themed drawings in exchange for donos to his GFM! gofund.me/61c2f776 twitch.tv/karlicartoons I'M LIVE RIGHT NOW!! Tune in for more deets!

The only good thing about this basketball season is it convinced me to start watching hockey.

it's a satisfying ending to the season in the sense that the clear best team won the title; it's also a satisfying ending to the season in the sense that this season sucked, and so did the finals, and so do the champs, and so do the runners-up

FREE BVIS

The Frasier reboot doesn't run into this kind of thing

Artist behind Beavis graffiti around Detroit arrested, faces up to 24 years in prisonwww.freep.com Hazel Park resident Bryan Herrin has spent the last few years obsessively drawing the face of Beavis on surfaces all over metro Detroit.

Gay handkerchief code, but with different color Vergogna flags

Hey guys? I just looked up “vergogna” in an Italian dictionary, and it means “I like to eat pussy.”

Gorsuch’s wife has got to be feeling the pressure right now. If she wants to make a splash she’s got to go to the grocery store in blackface, minimum.

It’s been a long time since Apple added something to their operating systems that I didn’t race to turn off.

Apple will use generative AI to prioritize messages and notifications and offer writing tools in emails, notes and text that are capable of proofreading and suggesting. It also will result in a major upgrade for Siri, Apple’s virtual assistant.

Apple Jumps Into A.I. Fray With Apple Intelligencewww.nytimes.com While other big tech companies have aggressively tried to add artificial intelligence into products, the iPhone maker has taken a more cautious approach.

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Lew Morton

Reply to

Henry Gilbert (Beloved Podcast Personality)

Please let the spread of this sketch alert you to the fact that Beavis and Butt-Head is a brilliant satire. The new episodes and film on Paramount Plus are some of my favorite comedy of the last few years, everyone should watch the new stuff as well as rediscovering the original

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Lew Morton

Whooooooohoooo Beavis and Butt-Head renewed for season 3. I can say I've been having a blast working on this 🤘🤘🤘 #BeavisandButtHead

Look, Beavis and Butt-Head is renewed for season 3! Work is well underway for the new season, and soon you will have 12 new episodes for your bunghole.

‘Beavis and Butt-Head’ Revival Renewed for Season 3, Moves to Comedy Centralvariety.com The new "Beavis and Butt-Head" series has been renewed for Season 3, but at a new network.

The good news is apparently someone called the Heritage Foundation a cunt

Really cannot stress how dangerous things are getting here. Heritage foundation is pushing the in distress upside down flag now. This is an overt signal now and should be seen as a threat imo.