The Onion: — Subium • Bluesky web client

New Law Requires SNAP Recipients To Balance Food On Nose Until Receiving Command To Eat Itwww.theonion.com WASHINGTON—As part of an effort to ensure the benefits were only allocated to those in “true need,” a new federal law went into effect Thursday requiring all Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program ...

Congressman rubbing peanut butter on poor peoples gums under the assumption that’s how they get them to talk on camera

youtu.be/9BSYAxll9oo?...

WBBM Channel 2 - CBS News Wednesday Morning - "Ronald Reagan Courts the Black Vote" (1980)youtu.be Here's an excerpt from CBS News Wednesday Morning as aired on WBBM Channel 2. The anchor is Bill Plante, and the reporter is Derrick Blakely (who would go on...

This is in no way praise for mfer Reagan, but it's super interesting to see him right there talking to people really angry at him. I assume before he got shot. He's right there pushing bullshit to people who are in his face.

Yes, prior to his being shot. 1980 campaign.

That better not be name brand cheese on his nose either! Government cheese or it’s fraud

If a poor person feels joy or thinks they deserve to eat like the rest of us, they're obviously committing fraud

careful if they let it warm up too long its considered cooked and no longer covered

Appreciate that my local 7/11 will sell folks an uncooked pizza and then cook it for them.

Boom

Do they have to clap like seals too?

Only when accused of fraud because they're more broke than anticipated

SNAP benefits will soon only apply to kibble & other lesser-being based foods

Ironically, many pet foods actually have higher nutritional and processing standards than the "food-like" products sold to humans. Just read a book on ultraprocessed foods, and A LOT of what you buy in individual packaging that isn't based upon a whole food is basically synthetic.

If I pour enough fish-flakes in a bowl it will kinda look like fruity pebbles, right?

GhettoChow with real-like vegetables!

Honestly, I'm surprised that congress hadn't demanded that Poor People Kibble be created, and then just have food assistance involve handing out bags of it. POOR CHOW; It contains all the vitamins& minerals we've decided you deserve to have! And if you put water on it, it makes its own gravy!

Economists calculate a Bullshit Quotient for public programs. For the poor, it’s intentionally high bsky.app/profile/coco...

All policies have a BS factor BS=(H*A)/(I*R) H=Hassle A=Anxiety I=Impact (of the bad thing bureaucratic or other hurdle is meant to prevent) R=Rate (or likelihood of the bad thing happening)

Dammit, people. You are supposed to pick things that are NOT believable when you do satire.

The Onion deserves a Pulitzer. No cap.

At least it'll guarantee balanced diets.

If I repost but don't like it means it drives me into a furious rage but I feel other people need to see it.

🤣 Arp! ARP! ARP! Sad thing is - this is almost a reality in some cases.

This is going to be one of those ones that comes back to haunt is, innit?

Getting harder and harder to come up with stuff that's not actually true, innit? I feel like we're only a couple of years away from this.

You're giving them ideas again.

Ooooooh the old “seal test”. My time to shine

Steak and lobster i tell ya

Banger

i love that they said “wait, wait.” repeating it is so on point.

Ah, that explains all thos spam yoga class calls I've been getting...

Leave it! Leave it!

The government has decided that I don't deserve to eat because I can't work. Thanks Joe!

In many states SSI recipients don’t qualify for SNAP. And if they’re lucky enough to qualify they get somewhere between $24.00-$69.00 a month.

That's just despicable

This is obviously not Mississippi. There you have to actually starve to death to qualify for benefits.

I put mine on my elbow… got arrested… wth

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