David Shiffman, Ph.D. 🦈: Fact check: sharks do not have nests, and therefore do not defend their nests There are no shark nests in the sewers of Paris.

Fine. FINE. I will watch the new Netflix movie about a shark killing people in the sewers of Paris and write a review of it. The things I do for you people.

I am 3 minutes in and everyone who told me that this movie is good is a liar. I hate you, and I hate everything you love, and I will have my revenge.

That…that is not how you tag sharks That is not what the great pacific garbage patch looks like. Did they dump trash in the ocean to film this scene? Why are they using nitrox to dive in four foot deep water We are five minutes in and I’ve already refilled my whisky

“Would you die to save a whale? That’s the first question they asked me when I became a marine biologist” No ma’am it most certainly was not.

Fact check: no, climate change and pollution will not make mako sharks turn 30 feet long and be able to survive in fresh water

At the end of a movie, they show the credits, announcing hundreds of people who were involved in making that movie. Writers, actors, editors. Did any of those people realize that this movie is terrible?

“100 million sharks are killed each year to make soup and skin cream. That’s why we need to save this one mutant killer shark!” Oh

The plan is to use SONAR to trap a shark, then tranquillize it, after which time we have exactly 30 minutes where it can be out of water before it suffocates. Um…no

Fact check: sharks do not have nests, and therefore do not defend their nests There are no shark nests in the sewers of Paris.

A whole bunch of people are being torn apart by sewer sharks and I’m bored because every part of this movie is bad

“This indentation shows the mutant shark has adapted to fresh water” Um that’s the nares. The nostril. They…all have that What is happening

I am always amazed by what movies believe the job of “shark scientist” is. What training we have; what equipment is commonly available, etc. This movie may be the worst I’ve ever seen for this

Parthenogenesis does not mean born pregnant and able to have babies while you’re not yet reproductively mature You’re thinking of Tribbles

The tagline of “avalanche sharks” is “snow is just frozen water.” That’s a better movie than this movie

That’s also not how underwater explosions work

Ooh is a watch thread of Avalanche Sharks next? I know you suffered for this one. Just wanted to say I appreciate your service to the science community (and science-adjacent communities).

Tribbleogenesis.

And aphids!

Also, bull sharks exist and are remarkably good at thriving in brackish to fresh water and will bite people. Why not just use them? (As someone who lived in Coastal North Carolina, I respect all our sharks, but Bull or Tiger sharks are the only two that will make me instantly cut bait and GTFO.)

It gets a LOT better towards the end.

I want it to get even worse because I love this thread

…it does not

LOL... I have never heard of the movie. I was joking. Not at all trying to induce others to watch. 😄

I’m relieved 😄

I wasn't sure if I should watch this movie. Im so gonna watch it now 😂😂😂

"MIKA"...MIKA....MIKA......MIKA.. (For God sakes let the sharks Eat Mika!)

You keep saying this is bad like it's not an obvious sibling of the Sharknado series, the greatest collection of marine biology related art ever arted!

SharkNado, which is thanked in my PhD dissertation, is of the “so bad it’s funny” and “knows it’s bad and is in on the joke” persuasion. This is just bad.

Excuse me, sir, but have you not seen Sharktopus?

A whole bunch? How many people spend time in the Parisian sewers on an average day?

Shark de Triomphe (Not mine, alas.)

This just means that nobody has ESCAPED after seeing a shark's nest.

I think the scriptwriters stole the parthenogenesis trope from the ending of the 1998 Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick. And that was the most convincing part of the movie

Luckily there are not French tornadoes that pick up Seine sharks and drop them in the Rhone.

Listen, David, you can't get mad just because this movie lacks the scientific rigor of the Sharknado saga. It's not fair to expect perfection every time!

Sounds "the neutrinos are mutating" bad (2012)

OCEAN sharks and river sharks do not have nests, but Parisian sewer sharks? Who knows how the local environment affects their behavior!

So … what’s the final whiskey tally?

I think chatGPT would have written a better script and I really hate that I thought this

I don’t think they anticipated “Science!” They were relying on “Dude, that’s so cool, bro!” 🤷‍♂️

Next you'll be telling me there's no Shark NATO.

But belugas

I thought they were trying to make the activist who caused so many problems look like Taylor Lorenz. Sort of an anti-activist movie. Also really unkind to mayors

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