ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

@californiahorst.bsky.social

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Champion in the epic war against squirrels

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

Hey! Are you an agent/publisher looking for a non-predatory, no-skeletons-having,vaguely charming Neil-Gaiman-esque author who looks like me to discover & promote, now that he has imploded? If nominated, I WILL serve, if elected, I WILL run. Sitting on finished manuscripts. worth a shot, right?

This is a metaphor

Ya know when you bring home a basket of berries, and hidden in the middle is that lone moldy, half rotten one trying to ruin all of the other berries? That’s called a magaberry

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

Make a band more vegetable: The Salad Spinners

Make a band more vegetable: Radiohead of Lettuce

MAGA: All libs are sexual deviants! Trump: I want to fuck my own daughter MAGA: LOL! We love this guy!

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

I've never even walked a mile in my own shoes you peasant.

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

The cat is always watching.

Make a band more vegetable: The Salad Spinners

Make a band more vegetable: Radiohead of Lettuce

A line from The Simpsons that describes your sex life: “It feels like a heft bag full of meat.”

A line from The Simpsons that describes your sex life: “Why would they come to our concert just to boo us?”

Want coffee that never gets cold? Just brew it using heavy water!

Jazz

Ever wonder how those plans worked out for Nigel?

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

Sometimes I look at my avi and chuckle

Ya know when you bring home a basket of berries, and hidden in the middle is that lone moldy, half rotten one trying to ruin all of the other berries? That’s called a magaberry

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

Forget about Barbenheimer. This is movie mashup we've been waiting for!

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

(Jerry Lewis voice) A Quiet Place DAY ONE

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

If only there were a version of Twister that summons shades from the underworld

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

The book is almost always better than the movie, especially if it’s a pop-up book

Shrek’s extremely nervous cousin, Shriek

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

This photo is pure 2024.

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ᔕᕼᑌT ᑌᑭ, ᕼOᖇSƬ

Remake a movie with Shrek and make it better… 50 Shades of Shrek

Remake a movie with Shrek and make it better… Requiem for a Shrek

A hot dog eating contest may not be a better way to choose a president, but it’s certainly not a worse one

Remake a movie with Shrek and make it better… Requiem for a Shrek

Remake a movie with Shrek and make it better … Shreknado

If you love America so much, why you eating food named after German cities, Shultzy?

Creating a new game that’s a cross between Twister and Tiddlywinks. Calling it Tiddlytwister

Hawk Tua sounds like an alien character from Star Trek

Starting to think Biden isn’t a real friend. He only texts me to ask for money

Setting off those fireworks not only terrorizes your neighbors’ pets but also traumatizes local veterans with PTSD, so no, I will not help you find your fingers

The book is almost always better than the movie, especially if it’s a pop-up book

If only there were a version of Twister that summons shades from the underworld