CJ Ciaramella: Millennials of my age will remember the endless essays on how "hookup culture" was turning us all into jaded carnal husks. My dream is that one day college students will find discover the perfect ratio between chastity and nasty rutting to shut up our nation's columnists.

Millennials of my age will remember the endless essays on how "hookup culture" was turning us all into jaded carnal husks. My dream is that one day college students will find discover the perfect ratio between chastity and nasty rutting to shut up our nation's columnists.

It’s hard to ignore that there’s a class of cranky commentariat that was upset that kids changed norms and had too much sex and then became upset that kids changed norms and had not enough sex and it’s becoming to look kind of unsettlingly preoccupied

turning a big dial that says 'Fornication' on it and constantly looking back at the creepy college professor for approval like a contestant on the price is right

Read the above out of context, and was wondering why professors concerned with the vaulted arches in old churches would be “creepy” … 😏😉

*Roe is overturned* why won’t college kids just be chill and fornicate like they used to

the really cynical part of me is interpreting, from columnist-speak to English, “too much sex” as “they’re banging everyone but me!” and “not enough sex” as “they’re refusing to bang me!”

The cynic is right

[cynically] but Diogenes would say that, wouldn’t he? /j

The correct college experience is one that precisely matches the aging columnist's faded memories.

The Goldilocks ratio of sex-having

When rutting is done tastefully and with a touch of class.

One of the first hookup culture panic articles was written about my college while I was there but I was too busy organizing Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie nights in the common room for orgies

Getting so close to there being a cringey think piece about how it's weird that there aren't as many professors married to former students anymore

Omg you so called it. More than one couple like this in my schooling experience.. I wonder what the genX stats on this are. That and date rape. OK now I'm sad.

I had two professors who very publicly highlighted their longterm happy marriages with former students. No idea what the stats were on failed marriages before my time or other relationships. Considering a certain kind of highbrow literature of a certain time... gonna say a lot

Granted, one of those professors I knew well enough to know that she had no life to speak of (youthful dept chair) or friends outside of academia at a university that trended much older faculty. Still creepy but understandable. Maybe worth a litfic novel

I feel like everyone is much too preoccupied with Millennial sex lives and not nearly preoccupied enough with the existential terror settling in over the social network and political climate they are inheriting but what do I know- maybe the best people to talk about personal sex habits are pundits.

The real problem is a lack of Eyes Wide Shut style masked orgies

Many people are saying this.

But Scalia was the first to note that. www.theguardian.com/world/2004/o...

Orgies are the way to ease social tensions, claims US judgewww.theguardian.com He is the conservative bastion of the US supreme court, a favourite of President Bush, and a hunting partner of the vice-president. He has argued vociferously against abortion rights, and in favour of...

seems like maybe the columnists could do with having some more so they're too busy to write stupid shit.

It's gonna be super funny to read the think pieces in 20 years about kids [something something] sex. I mean, as an old, it's already funny seeing this trash opinion recycled so many times

I’m currently pre-writing think pieces on “why college students are having too much sex with robots” and “why aren’t college students having more sex with robots” now so I can launch a second career as an op Ed columnist then.

The correct balance, to them, is "they are currently fucking a college student." Which is problematic because these political opinion columnists are in their 50s to 70s.

You might as well try and solve P ?= NP. (Pardon the CS humor...)

Quote of the week, and its only Monday

The hand wringing over avocado toast taught me that nobody is happy with anything. Also this gif is avocado sex and you can’t convince me otherwise.

It's simple: college students must sleep with opinion columnists and no one else

The solution is obvious, we need a publicly funded, federal reserve of awful low budget sex comedies. We can adjust the flow of straight to dvd horndog films with the ubiquitous red lettering on a white background as needed based on supply side sex economics. Nationalized Lampoon.

I don’t see how we can—why we should—pretend there’s some equilibrium w/o exogenous shocks I came of age as the Pill and antibiotics had made a dramatic shift in rational/emotional arithmetic around risk/reward, coincidentally settled down to have a family just as HIV/AIDS abruptly changed it again

If there's one thing I've learned about some of these columnists, it's that they'll always find something to hyperventilate about college kids.

I seem to have fallen through the generational cracks: jaded carnal husk was never more than an aspiration.

can it be "chastity and nastity" please though

Sadly, the perfect ration would have to involve college students having lots of sex with our nation's columnists.

I'm pretty sure "the perfect ratio" in Galloway's opinion would mean some of them are willing to fuck Galloway.

And then there’s the 60s, a seemgly halcyon time involving campus riots, assassinations, free love and drugs.

Venn diagram in the shape of an 8.

Would that be nastity?

If you're writing about the sexual activities of others, then you're really just exposing your own sexual fantasies. So, spend less time thinking about what others are or are not doing with their genitals. (Same advice to religious conservatives, 'cause, you know, it's none of your f-ing business.)

Porn just replaced hookup culture, but in what the kids are doing and what people complain kids are doing.

All sex is unnecessary except that being had by the commentariat.

An abundance of sexually available college students for opinion columnists, a selective pool of chaste college students for the college-aged children and grandchildren of those same opinion columnists

I don't know. I'm a gen-x woman dating in DC. 'Jaded carnal husk' is not a bad description of what it's like out there. (I love this place except for that. It's so bizarre.) (In fact, I may have to steal that phrase. A+.)

Right up there with articles on millenials not drinking as much, now rewritten for gen z drinking even less. I seem to recall some about the decrease in the use of drugs other than Pot too.

Dream on, crazy dreamer

The nations columnists are all unhinged Rory Gilmores and should be thrown out on the street. I had such an "ah-hah" moment when I realized that's who all those pretentious columnists remind me of. Spoiled, out-of-touch, and completely unable to take any criticism.

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