alan mustache

@danglinghemmie.bsky.social

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we're all worms

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no im not a moral coward im strategically taking the path that requires no personal sacrifice

watching independence day with the family. son knew who jeff goldblum is but not will smith

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alan mustache

I will cancel anyone for $5

@bskyttrpg.bsky.social stroke off @lasergiant.bsky.social 69

they're literally used by school children

If I gave someone a TI-89, who had never seen or head of it, they'd probably find it useless. It takes a lot of time to learn how to use these tools.

they're going hard in the paint lol

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alan mustache

magus feels like a slur for wizards

this is the right wing movement we get with a little migration and inflation. what does it look like when climate change really starts to bite

we don't get any fun cancellations here like the dude who was using his wife's healthcare gofundme to buy exotic vape juices. we only get dark evil here, no evil with whimsy

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO QUESTION JOE BIDEN"

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alan mustache

if you tell me you have a "mentor" as an adult man i start assuming you got groomed somehow at age 35

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alan mustache

this is about voting for biden

this place will take off any day now

fun prank idea: start an alt account that posts hot takes that piss everyone off. make sure the first account you follow is the person you want to see accused of running it

(softly repeating "don't start your reply with 'as a straight white guy'" as i begin to type) as an ally,

when did chiropractors start offering happy endings

piss christ

tadej pogacar has such fucking panache man and we get to watch him make history

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alan mustache

Being an eight year old and watching SpongeBob SquarePants is all about relating to SpongeBob. But being a fourty-three year old and watching it? That’s all about relating to Squidward! 😂🤣 how about some freakin’ peace and quiet?? 🤣🤣🤣

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alan mustache

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alan mustache

what if we populated a social media app with nothing but milkshake ducks

sitting alone at the bar with her chin resting heavily on her tightly clenched fists, gazing intently at a pitcher full of ice water. she didn't look up at me before she spoke. "I've been staring at this pitcher for so long I almost believed it's real."

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alan mustache

making the funko pops face the wall so they don't have to witness me sin

fireworks are how we make sure dog owners know what we think of them

unlike RFK Jr I'm brave enough to do what needs to be done

canadian detected

let me make this clear: not voting is a vote for trump. voting for a third party is also a vote for trump. you might think voting for biden is safe but no sorry those votes go to trump too. votes for trump himself however get stored in an unused walk in freezer at mar a lago and count toward 2028.

Weimar? no no no my friend, you-mar

okay i got it out of my system

i watched the debate. his mental decline is not a media psyop. biden has been a public figure my entire life he is no longer the biden he once was. nobody is going to buy your bullshit