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OK, here's the deal. Every adult citizen over 35 but under 75 must make a salad for Jeremy. Jeremy and I will choose the best one, and that person will become the Democratic nominee for president. Entries will be judged on beauty and suitability for a dessert tortoise. Your time starts now.
*Desert tortoise, obviously.
Not to toot my own horn, but this is *miles* better than that ridiculous Oprah-Taylor-Michelle bullshit.
Or, I'm just spitballin' here, maybe we should cut to the chase and just let Jeremy decide on the nominee. 🤔
Please bring us more of something similar. Not the same, similar.
Well fuck, I'd already started work on my dessert tortoise. Now I have to start over again. Politics is hard.
I was so on board when it was a dessert tortoise.
OH COME ON!! I thought if I won I would get Jeremy cake!
I made an incredible salad for Jeremy. Possibly the winner. Sadly my bunny ate it.
The primaries are notably difficult
Can Mortise help taste test? I think Jeremy and her would hit it off. 😁
I think we can allow that
I was born outside the country—thus ineligible to serve, but I'll still make a salad.
You're disqualified, Jane
I don't think I could do better than your beautiful tortoise salads. Which may indicate that *you* will be the nominee. Condolences/congratulations. But Jeremy wins no matter what, because he gets salad.
As long as Jeremy also kills and eats the GOP candidate, then I’m good.
Don’t wish indigestion on that sweet, weird boy
Umm, could you have an alternate event for those of us who’d love to make Jeremy a salad but don’t want to be the nominee?
You can make the nominee a salad.
Making Jeremy a salad is the draw, so that’s not an appealing alternative.
Well, fair. As the presumptive nominee I will appreciate any salads offered, but will not count on them.
Concerned that the rich will have more/better ingredients to pick from. I demand spending limits!
My entry is a few collard greens underneath a tortoise fuck doll.
I am not old enough to be president yet.
Hibiscus, peas, radicchio, butter lettuce, and chives. Sprinkled with pistachio.
I honestly hope not, and have no idea, that one of my ingredients might kill him.
Less talking about salad; more making salad!
Had “Big Salad” last night.😁✌️Kale, cabbage, radish, onion, radicchio, romaine, grilled chicken thighs, ramen noodles, tangerines, pistachios and a dressing I made with a LOT of lemon and ginger.
i don't want to be president, i just want to give a tortoise a snack
Am I disqualified for having vast experience making salads for my daughter's Mediterranean tortoise?
I can't stop thing about dessert now. 🍨🐢
You've been studying without realizing it. Serious advantage.
Just spell out DEMOCRACY with carrots - Jeremy will definitely choose that one
Does he like ratatouille? @drmlb.bsky.social makes fabulous ratatouille, and it is basically cooked salad without the lettuce.
Hmmm… I’m thinking an uncooked ratatouille could be a great salad and a way to say thank you to France?
i wonder how he feels about nasturtium 🤔
No hints. This is a fair primary and I will not put my thumb on the scale.
He likes hibiscus, how about Plumerias?
You have to do your research if you want to be president
“ here’s the deal…” folks
Are there any dietary restrictions?
Oh. *Picks out skittles from salad*
