Michael Hobbes: Came across a questionnaire explicitly designed *not* to foster intimacy between two people and it is a flashback of all the worst first dates I've ever had www.stafforini.com/docs/Aron%20...

Came across a questionnaire explicitly designed *not* to foster intimacy between two people and it is a flashback of all the worst first dates I've ever had www.stafforini.com/docs/Aron%20...

"Tell the names and ages of your family members, including grandparents, aunts and uncles, and where they were born" fucking kill me

"Where do you like to bank? Do you prefer that for checking or savings?"

iPhone or Android?

i was gonna say, these look more like password recovery questions

If someone asked me these I'd assume they were an op and leave

My parents are boomers. I have like thirty aunts and uncles. Wtf

Had this JUST last week. I knew all the names of his cousins, he knew nothing at all about my ACTUAL JOB

"Where are you from? Name all of the places that you've lived." I SAID ALL OF THEM, MOTHERFUCKER. WHERE WERE YOU IN 2006?

At this point I can only go on dates with people I share a fandom with. If I can’t launch right into “fuck/marry/kill: Riker, transporter clone Riker, pizza Daddy Riker” or “tell me your top 5 favourite Giles moments” what are we even doing here.

why would someone create such a powerfully cursed document? has science finally gone too far????

If this is what humans are like I must be something else.

The questions I ask on first dates are way better than this. 1. What is the name of the street you grew up on? 2. What's your mother's maiden name? 3. What was the first name of your college roommate?

Oh these are terrible

I've heard #18 somewhere: "You're walking through a desert, and you see a tortoise on its back. It's lying in the sun, flailing its legs uselessly, and you're not helping it. Why is that?"

Is this a Voight-Kampff test?

Clearly I’m on a date with a Russian spy

Why are they asked about their favorite holiday twice? And why would someone necessarily have an opinion about artificial Christmas trees? The existence of people who don’t celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah is also erased? What is this?

I am specifically not permitted to talk about the last time I was at the zoo. That is in the court order.

No but hear me out, #4 is vitally important for a first date here

Me, thinking while quizzing my date on the shape of manhole covers: 'This is going great. I'll surely have some of the sex in six to eight weeks.'

I want to be a dick about this, but as someone who often fully freezes up and just can't talk to strangers, I do see the benefits of training wheels

This is a list of ask-fors at an improv show

When /was/ the last time you walked more than an hour??

I for one can’t imagine how “describe the advantages and disadvantages of artificial Christmas trees” could lead to anything other than sparkling and stimulating conversation

Number 15 sounds like something I have children do while I'm like. Scrambling to clean up yarf

My family used it to pass the time on long car rides when I was a kid, with the added rule that every word had to be the name of a place.

Voight-Kampff test questions.

Alt text:

I can't imagine going into a first date with a checklist, treating it like it's some sort of interview. Next they'll tell you to pull out a whiteboard and ask them to code up a linked list or something

Describe the last pet you owned? What monster wrote that without understanding just what that might entail? May as well be, "Tell me about your favorite traumatic situation."

I love this it’s the perfect “how to come off as deranged” that straight men love! Haha

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