Adam Sharp: My favourite Irish expression, used to describe someone who’s always engaging in one-upmanship, is “if you’ve been to Tenerife, he’s been to Elevenerife.” My second favourite Irish expression, and one of the most crushing burns you'll ever hear, is “he looks like his mammy knitted him.”

My favourite Irish expression, used to describe someone who’s always engaging in one-upmanship, is “if you’ve been to Tenerife, he’s been to Elevenerife.” My second favourite Irish expression, and one of the most crushing burns you'll ever hear, is “he looks like his mammy knitted him.”

There’s a Swedish expression for describing someone that has obviously lost a fight and taken a lot of damage: “His face looks like a plastic bag full of ice skates.”

A slang Hungarian expression for someone that is not particularly attractive: “If he went down a mine, the coal would come up by itself”

A Welsh one - "Face like a ripped dap". "Dap" being one of these:

From New Zealand "A face like a dropped pie"

A Korean expression for an unattractive person is 옥상에서 떨어진 메주. It essentially means “their face looks like a fermented soy-bean brick that fell off the roof”

A somewhat blunt Norwegian expression for indicting a person of being only very modestly beatiful, is to say they "look like a poorly rolled snowball"

Face like a melted Welly....

Now I feel seen

This is the most evocative one

I’ve heard “a face like a Halloween cake” in Glasgow, or “a face like a burst tomato”

The (really nasty) Yiddish version: a face only a mother could love, and even then only on payday.

Damn, Hungary got no chill

Old timey American one: Uglier than a mud fence

Ok, but say it like the Swedish Chef Muppet.

Sorry, I don’t speak muppet. But in Swedish, it would be “Fan, du ser ju ut som en påse skridskor i ansiktet!”

So you’re saying if you’ve been to Tennessee he’s been to Elevennessee?

And if you've been to Twente he's been to Thirte

If you’ve been stretched out on a tarmac, six miles south of North Platte, he’s been splayed out on a bath mat, six miles north of South Platte.

In the Navy we'd call that first person a 'black catter'. If you had a black cat he would have a blacker cat.

My Scottish friend calls that an elephant bagger: if you have an elephant, he has the bag it goes in.

My favourite Irish expression: "I'm ashamed for his ma." You are so embarrassing that it's travelled up your family tree.

Scarlet for his ma for having him.

3 of my favourites from my parents: Never pack a gobshite- you can always find one when you get there; it’s hard to tell if he’s fast asleep or slow awake; and, that fucker wouldn’t lift a coal off your foot.

Three of my favourite expressions for someone who's very idle: "he's as lazy as the piper’s pinkie"; "if there was work in the bed, he’d sleep on the floor"; and "he thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician"

Manual labour is very Olé! 😂

That last one is in the same ballpark as “wouldn’t piss on your gums if your teeth were on fire”

I like, "Bless his cotton socks."

Who’s he when he’s at home?

My favourite is still 'a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle' :)

Or a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

Can't go wrong with the classics :)

My grandmother used to say a gossipy neighbour “wasn’t hiding behind the door on the day the Lord gave out the tongues”.

One of my favourites, from my father, a man of few words: "If that man knew a little more, he'd be completely confused"

A similar one for someone who’s not particularly bright is “there’s two idiots in the village, and he’s both of them.” But the most colourful one I've ever heard is this one: “they were first in the queue for brains, but ended up holding the door for everyone.”

Nice! The first one is cousin to "Some village mislaid its idiot"

"if a little knowledge is a dangerous thing, he's the safest man in Europe"

I love this one It looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and forgotten to say 'when'. PG Wodehouse

Twelverife is where the real shit is at.

Be careful to avoid Thirteenerife, though.

Wow. Yeah, the only recourse is to fake your own death and move to Antarctica.

My all time favourite, which must be muttered darkly at the departing back of the person inquestion (most memorably by a family friend in reference to her cousin, the darling only son): "If he was a bar of chocolate he'd eat himself"

A great Scottish version that I heard once... "He thinks he’s the cheese, but he’s only the stink"

Heard in South Wales to describe someone who always comes up lucky whatever the circumstances. “He’s a hand-down-the-toilet up-with-a-Mars-bar sort of person”. No idea if it was just this one man saying it or if it is more of a general expression. But it’s perfect

That's fantastic, especially said with a proper S Wales accent. I think there's a pretty distinct local way of phrasing stuff, heard a lot of excellent descriptions when I lived there.

It was proper Neath

Another odorous Scottish one - "All her geese are swans and her farts smell of roses"

My favourite French version is "he thinks he’s the Pope’s head mustard-maker." My favourite from isiZulu is "he enjoys being looked at like a long-haired goat." And there's an old Dutch expression about people who are always boasting about their children... "everyone thinks their owl is a falcon."

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