drewjanda

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drewjanda

@dogballs.info

writer, proven idiot. ready to have a baby. @drewjanda everywhere else
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It just feels like the democrats don’t actually want to win, like they would rather just raise money by promising to do stuff once they’re in power
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Yep. One of the biggest blind spots people have is assuming that underneath, others share the same basic values as them. They have trouble imagining an ideology that is completely misaligned with theirs.
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Mental health tip: if you’re struggling with your mental well being, trying reading online comments! The diverse perspectives offered will help ground you, and the respectful tone will help lift your spirts as it evokes positive feelings about the future of humankind 😊
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I think it’s a good sign that the only way we can process reality is through the uncomplicated narratives of blockbuster film franchises, a place where good guys not only exist but win. We love our synthetic reality don’t we folks
honestly they’re kinda cooking with this
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"The Bernie Bros and K-Hive appear to be forming an alliance," I say at the 4th of July cookout. An anvil falls out of the sky directly onto my person, killing me instantly. God appears through the clouds. "I did that," he says. Family and friends applaud politely.
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Vibes over there are unparalleled
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People on Twitter are advocating for making divorce illegal and their arguments are “marriage is SUPPOSED to be bad and hard” and it’s like I don’t think they are making the point that they think that they’re making
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Riddle me this Riddle me that How did my ass get so damn fat
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I love the Sun but I don’t trust it. I trust the Moon but I don’t respect it
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countless other faces are possible
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Not sure why the NBA playoffs only have six different commercials running, seems like there should be more
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The eyes can say so much *assistant hands me a notecard* sorry, I just got an update, the mouth is actually what says stuff
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Much talk of e-girls; hardly any of e-boys. In truth they go by many names
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The throughline of all the major news stories recently — weird NPR guy, calling the NYPD to arrest your own students for sitting on a lawn, Elon Musk as a person — is just old guys who don’t know they’re old guys and being gigantic babies about it. It’s really not more complicated than that.
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Here’s a lyric someone should use: “cream your jeans to smithereens.” Up for grabs for whoever wants it
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He's just going to keep getting more like this for the rest of his life, which is a bummer, but there's something funny about how sincerely Aaron Rodgers believes that he is doing something heroic by listening to extremely bad podcasts and then describing them to people who aren't interested.
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The lamestream media is too COWARDLY to ask one question: what if piss came out ya damn butthole
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average democratic voter outreach: an unpopular surrogate who lost an election twenty years ago gives an interview telling voters to "pull up your big boy pants and stop whining" average republican voter outreach: AI-generated facebook post of jewish joe biden sucking blood from a christian baby
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I could never cheat on my wife. That’d be like crashing my Ferrari, so that I could drive a different Ferrari. all women are Ferraris. I am an ally
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Naming my children “Sherlock” and “Einstein” and only speaking to them sarcastically
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A little on the nose that Japan-produced Godzilla is about the resilience of the Japanese people in the face of unimaginable destruction and the American-produced Godzilla is a good guy actually
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While you were partying I was studying the blade. Squinting and figuring out which side seemed sharper or was the handle. Writing down "enemies = bad guys" in gel pen and highlighting it in my moleskine. Decorating that page with kawaii washi tapes. I also studied bullet journaling around this time.
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are your windows constantly fogging up? you may be entitled to condensation
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Nerds: we have invented a robot that can write stuff a dumb guy would say Tech bros: this robot is the smartest guy I've ever heard of
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*B-52 voice* CUM DUMPSTER
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[standing before Christ at the crucifixion] So does this mean next week’s game night is off
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u not talkin bout the REAL doordash problem: when the guy shows up crying cuz he says ur order is "so perfect" he wants to put it in a museum, but the museum is closed. So u go "dont cry! youll remember it tomorrow" & he says "no. each day we're a new person" so u get a earring
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