filth_waste

@filth-waste.bsky.social

1329

Followers

383

Following

4522

Posts

half sharkalligator, half man.

discord: filth_waste

filth_posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:jn2yuheybqo5xhu37ol3uuzk/feed/aaaeem6bktoy2

🏠seattle ☀️sagittarius

Posts Replies Media Feeds

Reposted by

filth_waste

trying to roll out of bed like a boxer beating the ten count. a sleepy boy with the heart of a champion

Reposted by

filth_waste

The Mrs and I like to pretend I’m M. Night Shyamalan and she’s one of my movies and then I put myself in her

Reposted by

filth_waste

Hey boy, are you a doomsday prepper bc I have nothing to bring to the relationship but think I'm in love

Reposted by

filth_waste

The easiest way to disarm many people is to admit you were wrong

Reposted by

filth_waste

Lady at the Lancôme counter: would you like a free sample of our new neck firming cream? Me: this is assault

Reposted by

filth_waste

Nothing pisses me off more than prepping a freaking salad while I’m starving

Reposted by

filth_waste

In my defense your honor I’m feeling freaking saucy rn

Reposted by

filth_waste

sending fleshlight inserts sailing into the atmosphere with a potato gun

Reposted by

filth_waste

How much Benadryl would it take to temporarily transform a puma into an emotional support cat?

Reposted by

filth_waste

for i am a jealous mod and shall visit the sins of the posters upon the alts unto the third and fourth generation

Reposted by

filth_waste

when your friends are sad, tell em it's never too early to chase a greased pig for a prize, and other things like that

Reposted by

filth_waste

a mind like a hoarder's house one day someone will open the door to neatly piled newspaper stacks of fire hazard emotions a bunch of clowns jumping out of a car the poor soul who had no idea what they were knocking at will stammer like a live 9/11 newscaster folks we've never seen anything like this

Reposted by

filth_waste

You want to end suffering? What are you, some kind of communist?

Reposted by

filth_waste

I can only say “that’s crazy” so many times before it becomes noticeable that I in fact don’t care what you’re telling me.

Reposted by

filth_waste

(elbowing you) Let’s just say Crispin Glover in a wig wasn’t not in my dream last night

navigating the medical insurance labyrinth while in my second week of insomnia is probably a hell i deserve somehow. this lesson will reveal itself in time

Reposted by

filth_waste

Scrolling to find my birth year is getting out of hand.

Reposted by

filth_waste

I’ve been so stressed out ever since I realized I’ll be alive for the rest of my life

Reposted by

filth_waste

find something you'd loathe on today's news menu how about anxiety with a side of dread and is that all or are you interested in specials we've got (see market price) crushing despair it pairs well with nights scared awake did you save room let's box it up you can take it to go

Reposted by

filth_waste

I own and operate seven massive data centers (chakras)

Reposted by

filth_waste

Watching golf on TV would be objectively better if they added a lil toot noise every time the golfer bends over

Reposted by

filth_waste

If it requires putting on a bra today count me out

Reposted by

filth_waste

I wasn’t lying I just changed my mind

Reposted by

filth_waste

Imagine having the kind of energy it takes to do things

Reposted by

filth_waste

did the ghostbusters ever consider slimer was probably a loving parent during its life and very active in the community

Reposted by

filth_waste

My electric company says the power is fixed, eliminating the possibility of power babies. Typical.

Reposted by

filth_waste

weird how no one cheers or gives me a treat when I pee in the 'right' place

Reposted by

filth_waste

Trying to figure out a way to turn my writing into income and I think maybe first I need to figure out how to turn my writing into cocaine.

Reposted by

filth_waste

Sneezed and nobody was around to bless me so I guess I’ll see yall in hell

Reposted by

filth_waste

i'd get elected president by doing 1 thing: making a sick beat featuring cat meows live