MF FairyPrincessSmoo

@smooheed.bsky.social

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Brains are sexy, wish everyone had one
Same stick figure, different app

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:xbvg7j5gclf7gxoc5jrjdeoi/feed/aaalb6dnhmcjs

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13 The maximum number of times you can use the word moist during a call before they refuse to deliver pizza to your house

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

I’m renowned for my taco art.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

911: what’s your emergency Me: I’m in bed with my girlfriend and a shirtless man has broken into the house 911: is he a threat? Me: [noticing my girlfriend looking at his abs] ya

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

This day in history. 1803. The Louisiana Purchase. Thomas Jefferson added 828,000 square miles to the USA and his daughters hid his credit cards.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

"Stop fucking around, Alex. I'm gonna lose the light pretty soon."

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

the original VR.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

I’m not a fan of body shaming but I do think it’s a shame that nobody told younger me to look after this body for today me.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

If we're talking cats and you use the term "spicy," I reserve the right to repeat it incessantly like Homer contemplating a donut.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

My main flirting move is to have passionate animal sex with them. It's pretty effective.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

Found half a panini and a French fry on my second floor balcony. Either the ravens are trying to feed me, or I have a very considerate stalker.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

What do you mean I'm ruining the holiday for everyone

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

One bad asshole spoils the brunch.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. I mean, I literally bought a farm.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

At my funeral, I am going to need you to form a band. That band will be called The Practice Chickens. Your first song will be an original called "You Were My Everything (Bagel)"

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

We need to talk. You said you love me with the intensity of a 1000 suns. But to be honest, I only love you with the heat of roughly 863 suns. Sorry it didn’t work out.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

I run with a rock in case I ever have to defeat someone running with scissors.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

Her: [taking my photo] Try to look natural. Me:

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

First date idea: escape the cycle of rebirth

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

Hoping to get rich or famous today so consequences will no longer apply to me

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

I don't understand. I keep posting why are things still terrible

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

Don't forget to overreact to something you read on the internet today.

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MF FairyPrincessSmoo

me: one mixed emotions please, barkeep barkeep: I don’t know what that is me: you put all my hopes and dreams and happiness and sadness and loneliness and insecurities in the cocktail mixer and give it a good, hard shake barkeep: me: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ