The Onion: — Subium • Bluesky web client

Tesla Lays Off Entire Team Behind Brakeswww.theonion.com AUSTIN, TX—In the latest round of layoffs for the company’s struggling automotive division, electric vehicle manufacturer Tesla fired the entire team behind brakes, sources confirmed Wednesday. “As we...

It was only slowing them down.

Brakes totally limit the forward movement of the company.

"Brakes are woke, that's why we're eliminating them"

"Anyone disagreeing with me on this should stop investing into Tesla"

No brakes, you have to stop Flintstones style.

Lmao! 👏

As a free speech absolutist, I believe that driving at unsafe speeds is a form of expression and therefore brakes are censorship.

Muskist: "The owner's manual clearly says on page 154 that the driver is responsible for slowing the vehicle down. For example, by shoving their feet through the floor to create friction with the road. So Elon isn't responsible! Checkmate, lib!"

ackchually

I thought the motor team was laid off but my worries have been assuaged that it was only the entire brakes team

Fucking high-larious

Man do I wish comedy was legal on this platform

There's no stopping them now!

Cars are meant to GO. If you're stopping, you're failing. That's Elon Musks motto, and it's one I live by.

That explains why he doesn't seem to want to stop being a giant asshole 🤔

Spot on. Their Supercharger network is the best thing the company has going for it. Why they would lay those people off is beyond me. He's such a moron.

I mean that presupposes the goal of Tesla is to make good things. No, the goal of Tesla from Musk's perspective is to stuff cash in Musk's pockets right now.

This was your shining moment for me. www.theonion.com/bunch-of-pho...

Bunch Of Phonies Mourn J.D. Salingerwww.theonion.com CORNISH, NH—In this big dramatic production that didn't do anyone any good (and was pretty embarrassing, really, if you think about it), thousands upon thousands of phonies across the country mourned ...

Was always fond of this chestnut

🤣🤩🤣😅🤣🤩😂Brakes! Who needs stinking brakes when you've got whompy wheels?????

As the last 7 years have demonstrated, give it enough time and whatever The Onion writes will become true... The fact you guys wrote this scares the daylight out of me.

I wonder how many people seeing the thumbnail thought it was real just because Elon is batshit insane and they don't know your history. ;)

I love you, The Onion

"Lack of brakes is the future" - Elon Musk

Well... in back to the future there are no roads, so he's just thinking of the cars coming out in the year 2000.

Of course his GOPer former employees will blame their layoffs on Joe Biden.🙄

Both kinds of breaks. You won't stop your car & toy can't stop to eat. NOW BACK TO WORK!

move fast and break brakes

Sharks can't stop moving, so why would Tesla drivers want to?

Ain't no stopping them now

Moving fast and braking things.

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop: The Elon Musk Story

We. Brake. For. Nobody.

your own inflated sense of self worth is meant to cushion any collision.

Might as well, it's not like anything besides a wall can stop a Tesla. They are more powerful than 100 children in a cross walk.

Apartheid racist. Pull all Federal funding for this traitor.

I still laugh.

They jest, but...

Using brakes isn't hardcore. Firing grappling hooks at stationary objects is though...

All cars in USA will be NACS No other charging network exists that works w NACS Current projections prior to these changes were $7B but only 6% of chargers The team was fired, like Starlink, because they weren't cutting it Grow up

How does firing the team without replacing them increase the company's ability to expand in this profitable sector? How does firing the people responsible for paying the site owners encourage expansion or even retention? This is like Twitter and it's advertising team all over again.

They are either replacing, like they did at Starlink, or there is an alternative strategy not yet announced. My point is the media lies, the social media ecosystem jumps to conclusions and when finally clear the og info/sentiment was wrong...nobody points it out. Be wary of this type of media.

Or Elon musk is in panic mode and is trying to gin the stock price so he can get a fat pay day. Firing all your staff and maybe eventually hiring more is so obviously a bad idea only people interested in very short term profits would be impressed.

Make less sense dude.

Tesla need brakes?

Tesla will pay out everything to musk and close like musks other companies

No more brakes, but they are revisiting the neckbelt idea…

bütün hesaplar npc gibi geliyor :d

Sorry lads, I believe this is true.

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