Katie Didn’t

@porkchophair.bsky.social

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enjoy the process 💜

•I’m @pork_chop_hair everywhere else•

https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:efdtjcx67l6vpztu7muhp64s/feed/aaaboubzwgwgu

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Katie Didn’t

my dog the minute he gets out of the bath

If I arrive at your party and you ask me to help cut up the pineapple, I’m mad at you.

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Katie Didn’t

The other night I dreamed about a sudden, thick gravity. It felt like a clear jello we were all forced to live, breathe and move in. Everything felt slow, taxing and awful. “Let’s have sex again”, you said to me in the dream, not noticing a difference.

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Katie Didn’t

Dogs hate fireworks because, like all higher creatures, they detest war.

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Katie Didn’t

My job's cybersecurity training said to "never assume a connection is real" and I was like I'm WAY ahead of you, pal

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Katie Didn’t

whoa the lighting in this bathroom is really unflattering. i hope

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Katie Didn’t

The most realistic part of The Terminator is that within five minutes of arriving in America Kyle Reese acquired two guns

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Katie Didn’t

If it wasn’t so illegal to mail you a rainbow, you know I would.

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Katie Didn’t

The trick is to not think about it too much, but to also consider all of this.

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Katie Didn’t

showing my age by removing my epidermis, dermis, subcutaneous tissue, fat, and muscle layers until I am nothing but a set of bones poorly strung together like a secondhand xylophone that plays only in the key of desolation

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Katie Didn’t

I think places should do more to fuck with tourists. Name every restaurant in Delhi "Indian Restaurant" . Every building in London taller than one story is now the Tower. All water in Australia is Sydney Harbour.

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Katie Didn’t

(exhaling until i've sandblasted away every noticeable contour on your corporeal form) i guess

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Katie Didn’t

Once I saw a dude podcaster arguing with his lady co host that the New York marathon was absolutely longer than the Boston marathon and he knew because he had run them both and that's the best example I can think of to explain men

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Katie Didn’t

My biggest kink is when you notice I’m still breathing.

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Katie Didn’t

"whatever" I shrug, as Anubis weighs my soul and finds it wanting

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Katie Didn’t

Let’s go kick rocks. I signed us up for a league.

Come in, she said I'll give ya shelter from the politics

Taking a break from screaming to let out a few tiny, angry squeaks instead.

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Katie Didn’t

If you accuse me of “screaming like a girl” please know my versatility doesn’t end there. I can also scream like a man, a goat, or an elderly woman. My range of screams encapsulates reckless abandon, transcending all gender, beings and sound. In essence, I Am Scream.

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Katie Didn’t

The air was thick with dust but like dust made of water like thick with misty dust of water fog

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Katie Didn’t

person that spends their whole life slowly figuring out how to be a human

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Katie Didn’t

telling the small alien i found that he lacks sincerity

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Katie Didn’t

Wasn't the whole point of the US that they didn't want to be ruled by a mad king?

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Katie Didn’t

I’m really into finding out. In fact, that’s the only reason I fuck around.

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Katie Didn’t

that’s cool babe, hey, i’m gonna go lay in the dark for a while

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Katie Didn’t

You’re going to love pins bro they’re like bumper stickers for your shirt

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Katie Didn’t

Kind hippie with a green sock on his hand: why are there so many songs about rainbows? Me crying uncontrollably but in a very cool way: yeah I dunno man I've also wondered this

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Katie Didn’t

they should make the whole cup of coffee out of the first sip

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Katie Didn’t

*succumbing to injuries suffered from getting hit by a Smart car* please just tell everyone it was a regular car

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Katie Didn’t

Yes I dangled a modifier, but I did it for you.