Robinson Meyer: i think that’s putting it a little harshly. *thomas jefferson* would have preordered a cybertruck. ben franklin would have made fun of him for it, but would himself own a rapidly depreciating model 3. and john adams would drive a 17-year-old honda civic

i think that’s putting it a little harshly. *thomas jefferson* would have preordered a cybertruck. ben franklin would have made fun of him for it, but would himself own a rapidly depreciating model 3. and john adams would drive a 17-year-old honda civic

If you want to understand modern-day America, you have to understand that for almost 250 years we have been putting our Founding Fathers™️ on literal pedestals while refusing to acknowledge the fact that if these men were alive today, they would have certainly preordered a Cybertruck.

thinking of other founders, james wilson would have absolutely owned a ford bronco (he died on the run from his creditors)

so the issue is if you keep thinking about this (he says two hours later) is that eventually you start to ask “which founding fathers would have been a weeb?”

i mean, half these guys spent their days posting under roman pseudonyms, so i am going to say most of them

I would read a "Taxonomy of Posters: Framers Edition"

Adams: geeking out in Akihabara. Washington: visits every single castle he can, massive sword collection. Jefferson: claims to know the really authentic unknown ramen place. It's Ichiran. Hamilton: sailor moon cosplay.

Always annoys me when people accuse protestors/radicals of "cosplaying" as revolutionaries, because yeah, most revolutionaries throughout history have "cosplayed" until they end up doing the real deal

lol that’s basically the description given in the first TJ episode of behind the bastards today, a weeb for Rome.

Now does that make them a web or a Retvrn poster?

Franklin, zero doubt

The hidden photos folder on Franklin’s phone is not for the faint of heart

Ben Franklin would no doubt invent new and terrifying body pillows

I'm not sure about being a weeb but John Adams would've had at least 3 burner accounts that were always found because he couldn't stop posting lengthy and angry attacks on John Adams' critics

Franklin no question, right?

The guy who stuck a whale bone in his penis would have died trying to make his cybertruck "briefly function as a boat" in the ocean.

Gouverneur Morris, and he would have wrapped a Miata around a tree before he ever got to the self surgery

Restage Hamilton, but every time a character is introduced, they get out of a modern car to fit their personality. Burr=Dodge Charger

I assume your'e talking about a Cars-Hamilton mashup, and I'd point out that Disney owns the former and has the creator of the latter under contract.

Would Cesar Rodney have taken Amtrak?

Idk if he counts as a founder but Quincy Adams definitely would ride a segue everywhere including on the highway

The phrase that occurs to me is "Founding Son"

Kid was 14 years old and serving as translator/secretary to our (admittedly unrecognized) minister to Russia when his dad was still at The Hague. I feel like if we can give anyone who was technically still a child at the time the title "founding father", it has to be him.

here's a fun fact i just learned, Al Cowlings owned the Bronco used in the chase and many people thought it was OJ's but HIS White Bronco was destroyed. Al's is in the Alcatraz East museum in Tennessee, along with Dillenger's Terraplane and Ted Bundy's VW Beatle

Sam Adams would own a cargo e-bike and be insufferable about it

Would it have been a Bronco II? Would he have died in a rollover instead? My dad owned one and this fact still blows me away: one in 500 Bronco II's ever produced [being] involved in a fatal rollover. www.autoblog.com/2010/09/07/f...

Behind Fords Recent $131 Million Rollover Judgment - Autoblogwww.autoblog.com The headline felt like it must be an old story, one from last decade: “Mississippi Jury Hands Ford $131 Million Verdict in Explorer Death.” But it wasn’t. A decade ago -- almost to the month -- Ford i...

Hamilton would absolutely own a Cybertruck. Washington a Ford Lightning. James Madison a Tahoe.

*dolly* madison drives a tahoe, james is a passenger princess

Ben Franklin retrofitted a VW minibus to be an EV. In 2003.

Franklin's still driving the forty-year-old Dodge Omni that he's somehow still kept in one piece and even has switched over to a hybrid engine.

it’s sweet that y’all think franklin would care at all about his car in this hypothetical where things like tinder presumably exist

The reason I said VW minibus is because he could absolutely fit a janky folding bed in to the back of it.

I can see the argument for Franklin driving a cybertruck but I think it’s way more likely he drives whatever car is most likely to get him laid

It's really best *not* to think what Ben would be up to in the age of social media.

Franklin was a man for all seasons

Hard to imagine Franklin wouldn’t have a bike — an Indian perhaps — or a convertible to cruise around and, uh, find companionship.

Yes!

Jefferson would drive a Citroën SUV specially imported to the U.S. but then be really disappointed when no one asked him “hey what is that”

that’s right. james is too busy posting

Now picturing Sam Adams tooling around Boston in his 2005 Mitsubishi Lancer with an aftermarket muffler.

Sam buys American. He's in a Dodge Magnum (also with aftermarket muffler) with enough space to roll deep

Sam & John Adams as Tom & Ray Magliozzi? [...OK that doesn't really work, Ray's much nicer than John.]

Don't drive like my brother (drunk)

Thomas Paine can barely afford a bus pass but never dodges the fare.

FUCK

This is incorrect. Hamilton owns a Rivian, but he keeps it in the Hamptons. In the city, he’s driven in a Cadillac Celestiq.

Aaron Burr would drive a Cybertruck, but only because of the EV tax credit and the claim that it's bulletproof.

I think the biggest open question is whether Hamilton would be PE or Hedge Fund.