Slouchy

The old fortune teller speaks with a thick accent. She mutters something under her breath before flipping over a card with strange runes, and a scribble that might be a winged shoe. "Ah, you have the foot of the athlete." "That's good?" I ask hopefully. "No. It is a fungus."

Reposted by

Slouchy

I quit my job a few weeks ago but I'm still stressed out so maybe that's just my personality

Reposted by

Slouchy

Sticks and stones may break my bones but the screams of the villagers that night will forever haunt me.

Reposted by

Slouchy

Combining silverware into fewer items is one way to keep folks from evolving tentacles. Unanswered texts to sperm whales is another.

Reposted by

Slouchy

With modern technology we can now easily separate the art from the artist. It’s quick procedure. Hold still.

Reposted by

Slouchy

River crossing

Reposted by

Slouchy

Motivational speaker: I want you to close your eyes and picture yourself living your best life. What does it look like? Me:

Reposted by

Slouchy

The palm reader screamed and then she quickly turned my hands over and ran out of the room do you think that’s a good sign?

Reposted by

Slouchy

Me: * falling down a hill* Witnesses: *gasps* Me: *throws jazz hands* Witnesses: *clapping and cheering*

Reposted by

Slouchy

I must admit I chose not to learn how to do a lot of things I thought a robot would be doing for me by this time so thank you for the life lesson, Jetsons

Reposted by

Slouchy

Sorry but when I was little a joyous man came in the night and danced away with my whole family so I really don’t like it when you smile like that

Reposted by

Slouchy

You've been brainwashed into thinking everyone who disagrees with you is brainwashed.

Reposted by

Slouchy

As some entrepreneur I declare these pennies to be devaluing this fountain. Yesterday it was worth an even 8, an inflation came by, now it's only worth 7 fountain fountain fountain, fountain fountain fountain.

Reposted by

Slouchy

being an adult is feeling like a single parent and my child is me and oh my god i just wish i had someone to take me off my hands for five minutes

Reposted by

Slouchy

Gentlemen, it is with deepest regret I must inform you that I am straight up not having a good time

Reposted by

Slouchy

Some of y’all are straight up coveting thy neighbor’s wife tbh

Reposted by

Slouchy

There should be a pill for the interim between the feeling of having a task you need to do that feels monumental and the feeling of having done it

Reposted by

Slouchy

The newest TikTok trend is Bombadiling, where a Gen-Zer will film themself being a merry fellow wearing a bright blue jacket and boots that are yellow.

Reposted by

Slouchy

Looking back at my life, I can’t help wondering how I got trapped in this shipping container

Reposted by

Slouchy

there should be a law that dentists have to disclose if they are that one dentist that disagrees with nine other dentists

Reposted by

Slouchy

if i unfollow you and immediately refollow it wasn't a mistake i am renewing my vows

Reposted by

Slouchy

always like to put food toward the outside of the microwave plate. let it go for a little ride.

Reposted by

Slouchy

I’d like to see this much effort put into knowing why we are awake

Reposted by

Slouchy

my cat is a cryptid

Reposted by

Slouchy

[taking a urine test] Me: well? Doctor: impressive, but it’s not for distance.