Slouchy

The newest TikTok trend is Bombadiling, where a Gen-Zer will film themself being a merry fellow wearing a bright blue jacket and boots that are yellow.

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Slouchy

Looking back at my life, I can’t help wondering how I got trapped in this shipping container

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Slouchy

there should be a law that dentists have to disclose if they are that one dentist that disagrees with nine other dentists

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Slouchy

if i unfollow you and immediately refollow it wasn't a mistake i am renewing my vows

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Slouchy

always like to put food toward the outside of the microwave plate. let it go for a little ride.

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Slouchy

I’d like to see this much effort put into knowing why we are awake

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Slouchy

my cat is a cryptid

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Slouchy

[taking a urine test] Me: well? Doctor: impressive, but it’s not for distance.

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Slouchy

If I lived in a yellow submarine with all my friends, I would keep that info to myself

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Slouchy

“Once in a Lifetime” is a hymn.

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Slouchy

Some 42 year old DC social media consultant is going to post something like "Trumps not like us so retweet if you're going to step this way step this way to the polls" and we can't stop that. We don't have the technology. We need one of those goo kids from Minority Report and they're illegal now.

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Slouchy

Happy anniversary to one of my favorite replies

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Slouchy

my dog shakes his head in the middle of guests on my porch sending giant dog drool flying. They yell "eww!" and he gets so excited they're celebrating him he can't stop wagging his tail

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Slouchy

You can have high tea with the princes and queens or you can have low tea with the rats and the gnats, these are your only two choices.

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Slouchy

“I’m a malcontent creator” I say, making you cry

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Slouchy

*gets last year's blown off fingers out of the attic*

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Slouchy

[first therapy session] me: *sobbing* I don’t think I can do this patient: it’ll be okay

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Slouchy

A few days inside a lobster trap would fix me

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Slouchy

Dogs hate fireworks because, like all higher creatures, they detest war.

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Slouchy

A tablecloth of turtles that scatter as you approach, leaving the dinnerware undisturbed. This is the shell game of the bog repertoire.

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Slouchy

me: one mixed emotions please, barkeep barkeep: I don’t know what that is me: you put all my hopes and dreams and happiness and sadness and loneliness and insecurities in the cocktail mixer and give it a good, hard shake barkeep: me: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵐᵉ

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Slouchy

When my day has come, I'm going down in a blaze of gluten

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Slouchy

Sometimes I'm looking at you like I'm paying attention but I'm just thinking of this song from 1996 where a girl says "and that's all I want to do, roller skate"

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Slouchy

Would you still love me if I stood silent at the tree line, if you could tell I was waiting for something? Would you still love me if you dreamt of me always just out of reach, eyes sending a message that never arrives? If I was like a song you couldn’t remember the words to?

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Slouchy

Would it be terribly wrong to catch wild hedgehogs, give them little wizard staffs and wizard hats and set them free again ? Asking for a friend

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Slouchy

Earl didn't mind the long commute. He was finally an upper level demon and enjoyed the time alone with his thoughts.

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Slouchy

I want everyone to think about what Trump will do with explicit absolute immunity from prosecution and the full power of the presidency of the United States of America those are the stakes in November, full stop

look i'll be clear, I will be voting, and encouraging everyone I know to do the same, against donald trump and the end of democracy in this country in november. I do not care if that means i'm voting for a man who is literally dead.