Petti Crocker

@aquarianairhead.bsky.social

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Just some awkward person. Queer, Celiac, AuDHD/NVLD, Xennial, higher ed professional, nerdlesque performer, karaoke snob, multi-dimensional dork. (she/they)

Venmo: PettiCrocker

Posts Replies Media

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Petti Crocker

Angry, frightened, white Boomers witnessing the sunset of their unquestioned privilege in real time + the electoral college. That's how. And for my part, I'm still stunned Brexit happened. But it probably has similar DNA. We don't have the market cornered on myopic, easily-manipulated old bigots.

Many of my overseas friends think Americans are nuts and incredibly stupid for electing Trump the first time. They cannot understand how this is a close election. I live here and don't understand it either.

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Petti Crocker

this is a jd Vance combo dolphin/couch joke. you choose

flipper, I don’t even know her

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Petti Crocker

Also having a BRAT summer, but it's bananas, rice, applesauce and toast.

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Petti Crocker

8-SECOND KAMALA HARRIS AD: x.com/KamalaHQ/sta... TRUMP AT RALLY: "And then their campaign says (goofy voice) 'I'm the prosecutor, and he is the convicted felon—" HARRIS (VOICEOVER): "I'm Kamala Harris, and I approve this message."

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Petti Crocker

Heh, so, y’know that show? The Boys? Turns out JD Vance has something in common with one of the major characters in the show, The Deep. And it sure isn’t super-strength.

JD Vance searches for animal porn.

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Petti Crocker

Reply to

Faine Greenwood

Why not both...

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Petti Crocker

Reply to

Faine Greenwood

There’s always a dril quote

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Petti Crocker

Reply to

Fat Apollo

the only drawback of the couch story is that it may make people doubt the explicit dolphin-based search history story

Oh this is excellent timing with my “Pam Poovey fucks a dolphin puppet” burlesque act that I’m doing tonight

hahahaahahahahah!!!!!!! This one is true www.rawstory.com/jd-vance-dol...

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Petti Crocker

hahahaahahahahah!!!!!!! This one is true www.rawstory.com/jd-vance-dol...

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Petti Crocker

To put it more plainly: JD Vance very vocally wants to kill and torture my loved ones, destroy my home country, and help other global dictators and oligarchs consolidate power. Insinuating that Vance fucks couches is the absolute nicest thing I can say about him in public.

“Expressing sentiments via humor that might otherwise be expressed via other, less peaceful means” is, I’d suspect, a pretty key reason people started mocking each other in the first place, many millennia ago.

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Petti Crocker

“Netanyahu was upset by vice president Harris…” GOOD 👍🏽

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Petti Crocker

Someone gonna get trump to comment on this?

“Those people . . . ” Donald said, trailing off. “The shape they’re in, all the expenses, maybe those kinds of people should just die.” time.com/7002003/dona...

Donald Trump Told Me Disabled Americans "Should Just Die"time.com Fred Trump III describes conversations with his uncle about people with intellectual and developmental disabilities

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Petti Crocker

Project 2025 is like the point in the movie where the evil villain monologues his detailed plans right before the hero breaks free and stuffs him into a chipper shredder

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Petti Crocker

he's not even a real hillbilly

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Petti Crocker

if you don’t think some people are born for show business, consider this: Bill Nye could have been any kind of guy and his intro would still rhyme

Showered, took meds, got dressed, and back in bed. My brain is still in weekday mode despite being “on vacation.” There aren’t a whole lot of panels I’m super interested in at this con, and opening ceremonies aren’t until 1:00. So I guess I’ll try to sleep a little bit more. Gonna be a long night.

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Petti Crocker

Underrated bonus of Vance-fucks-couches memes is that there's a fair chance whatever process goes on in Trump's brain to transform things he heard in passing once into absolute statements of truth, will also lead to him believing with total, unshakeable conviction that his VP pick is a couch fucker.

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Petti Crocker

he clicks the button again. you do not understand the image on the screen. he does not explain. you understand the color of blood. the color of rust. an old machine. a weapon, maybe. interlocking teeth. tarnished chrome reflecting distorted figures. he clicks the button again. you see yourself

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Petti Crocker

Reply to

Shark Queen (ravenous)

A married man, deeply in love with one of his closest friends, simply cherished her without hurting anyone… even dancing with her at her wedding a year before she died. Don’t tell me men lack the will for self control.

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Petti Crocker

Reply to

Shark Queen (ravenous)

It wasn’t until Jones was on her death bed (1983) that Astin confessed his love and she admitted she loved him too. It’s been 41 years since she passed and even today, Astin (94)still speaks of her with love and admiration.

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Petti Crocker

I only just learned that much of the chemistry between Morticia and Gomez was due to Jon Astin and Carolyn Jones being very much in love with each other.

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Petti Crocker

Dying at the idea that Trump thought J.D. Vance would give his ticket and movement intellectual heft, and the response has been this guy is so off-putting that they’re memeing him as a guy who has sex with furniture. Like the ultimate emperor has no clothes moment for an entire political movement.

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Petti Crocker

It works fr Who's the dude who loves a couch With stitching that’s so tight C-O-U-C-H F-U-C-K-E-R JD! JD! JD! This la-z-boys a treat C-O-U-C-H F-U-C-K-E-R

Holy shit, spelling out C-O-U-C-H-F-U-C-K-E-R to this tune absolutely does work If you’re not sure you should try it 😈

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Petti Crocker

We warned 'em.

Looks like this A.I. thing is working out really, really well! www.forbes.com/sites/bryanr...

77% Of Employees Report AI Has Increased Workloads And Hampered Productivity, Study Findswww.forbes.com Despite 96% of C-suite executives expecting AI to boost productivity, employees say it has increased their workload, hampered productivity and caused job burnout, research shows.

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Petti Crocker

I'm gonna go limp off to a retirement home now.

Obama's middle name is actually Hussein? Fox's heads must have been exploding in 2008.

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Petti Crocker

Here's Snoop Dogg hanging out with the US Fencing Team. Everyone looks so happy. I love that Snoop just shows up randomly at shit these days. He's having a great time.

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Petti Crocker

Mike Mills: *piano intro* Michael Stipe: "Couch fuckiiiiiing."

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Petti Crocker

Kris Kross was right. This shit really is wiggity wiggity whack.

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Petti Crocker

if richard simmons cause of death at 76 turns out to be heart related while trump lives to 78 cardio is officially canceled forever just so were all on the same page