Crockett Houghton

Profile banner

Crockett Houghton

@crockettforreal.bsky.social

Writer of Novels & Comics & Jokes & Bios.
Virginia (for now) | https://linktr.ee/crockettforreal
Avatar
"After what he went through, he has my vote" Brenda, he already had your vote, you think ketchup is spicy.
Avatar
Is it normal for your therapist to challenge you to a fight
Avatar
We’re all trapped in a clown car hurtling towards disaster, metaphorically. And also literally, for a few unlucky clowns
Avatar
I bet birds and bees give their children really graphic explanations of sex.
Avatar
"After what he went through, he has my vote" Brenda, he already had your vote, you think ketchup is spicy.
Avatar
Having big boobs is annoying because you get to deal with constant back pain & when you suggest not wanting that anymore, random dudes climb out of the sewers to say "don't change what the lord gave you." Like, sorry Hank, but I didn't ask to be all titted up.
Avatar
I looked it up and it turns out there were zero book related deaths in 2023 and so far none in 2024 so, I don’t know, books may not be the problem.
Avatar
Maybe you aren’t really bad at cooking, maybe you’re just really good at ordering takeout. Life is all about perspective.
Avatar
Just got catcalled which normally would have made me so mad but I had my N95 on so props to that guy for supporting the covid conscious girlies.
Avatar
*feels like shit from being so online* me: i should get even more online
Avatar
[logging on] I'm sure no bizarre historical events have occurred on my birthday that I should know about
Avatar
Imagine telling someone they shouldn't wear a belt, to just constantly let their pants fall to the ground, that they shouldn't live in fear of their naked lower body being revealed in public. That's as ridiculous as harassing those of us who still mask.
Avatar
The sketchiest Uber ride I've ever had was when I was on my way to get an octopus tattoo in the before times & the driver was like "Women shouldn't have tattoos. What would your future children think of that? 🤨" and I was like "I don't know, I have an IUD."
I get that. I have definitely had sketchier rides but yeah.
Avatar
my informal research on doomscrolling taught me many people yell at strangers on social media because it feels like an act of agency amidst unresolved trauma from Covid-19 and overwhelming systemic issues like anti-abortion legislation, climate change, inflation, and voter disenfranchisement
Avatar
Mask bans serve multiple purposes for fascism. They serve pandemic denialism to spread COVID as a bioweapon. They are also specifically intended to target Black & brown people in public legally. They are also intending to prevent protecting ourselves from government & corporate surveillance.
One thing I wish the (white) disabled people upset about mask bans would do more, is acknowledge how those laws are designed to harm Black and brown people first and we're just secondary or collateral targets
Avatar
you can actually write off all the people who blocked you on your taxes
Avatar
"Some people don't think masking is enough" Mask anyways.
Some of us have also read a lot on twitter and learned that most people who are covid conscious dont think just masking is enough. They also think that its unethical to not self-isolate forever. And even though many of us care we worry that the covid conscious community will just shun us anyways
Avatar
It's my birthday & I can yell about how disabled people are being pushed out of society (and left for dead) because no one masks so it's unsafe to go ANYWHERE & everyone is like "well, if I mask, it won't make a difference" instead of just masking up & not being a dipshit in a pandemic- if I want to
Avatar
My love @roxiqt.com was born on this day, a number of years ago. A number that I won't be revealing. A secret number, like a secret third thing. Happy Birthday, doll-face. I love you. 💚
Avatar
Maybe you aren’t really bad at cooking, maybe you’re just really good at ordering takeout. Life is all about perspective.
Avatar
Surely the New York Times will change their editorial policy for the better now that we’ve been annoying to the one guy they don’t listen to
Avatar
There’s too much stuff in existence. We only need like 7 stuff
Avatar
a message to my haters: hey how are you doing
Avatar
“So you hate waffles” syndrome is getting worse on here
Avatar
You call yourself a sports fan? Name one starting player…
Avatar
The problem is, there are still people who try to spell the word hamster with a P.
Avatar
I had to fire my former therapist because she tried to convince me to lower my COVID precautions and told me that everyone had to be a little delusional (about the state of the world) to be happy.
A friendly reminder: if your therapist condescendingly dismisses your anxiety about the state of the world, you are *absolutely* allowed to sack them.
Avatar
Older couple at the store about 6-7m before opening. The automatic doors don't open for them so they start prying them open. It's so fascinating how many different types of people there are
Avatar
ah my cat, my adorable purring cuddly source of comfort in a tumultuous world ow goddammit stop biting me STOP
Avatar
I know that @crockettforreal.bsky.social loves me because he is literally a film critic and for our one year anniversary tonight, we are celebrating by watching Sharknado 2: The Second One.
A year ago @roxiqt.com informed me that we were in a relationship and that she was keeping me forever. It was honestly the best news. Happy anniversary to the smartest, funniest, most kind, and thoughtful person I’ve ever met. So many more on the way. I love you with my whole heart.