Why are the credit card readers rushing me?! All of them tell me to swipe my card quickly and it's too much pressure! Anyway, Jasmine got her braces off and then her boyfriend left her because he apparently has a thing for braces. I wish I had braces to take off so my boyfriend would leave me!
Did you know that yeast can develop on your body in other places as well? A perfect budding ground, for instance, is in the summer swampland under your breasts. So, you know, might as well go ahead and eat that entire loaf of bread.
The worst part about dying has to be missing the look on your family's faces when they realize you've bankrupted them so you could have your remains launched into space
what's up gamers, I'm gonna need you to smash that like button just as hard as life has smashed my hopes and dreams, and destroy that subscribe button the same way my childhood destroyed my ability to connect with people
Someone has been giving me a, “Worst Person In The World, Again,” plaque once a month for the last thirty two years, and I will genuinely miss this if it ever stops.
My name tag says Hiyoure Prettynice because I didn't have enough room for "Skin deep beauty detonates with the trigger of time so if you hear ticking, please say my name"
