For Disability Pride Month, one thing I'd love abled bodied people to figure out is how to speak to someone with chronic health issues without implying that if they themselves had the disabled person's health conditions, they would end it all. I promise you life goes on- even with health issues.
I wish people I care about would be more comfortable complaining. Like they’ll be telling me they had a headache or something and suddenly look STRICKEN and be like “oh god but it’s nothing compared to what you go through!” It’s okay! We’re not competing. I’m not internally rolling my eyes at you. ❤️
But the emphasis is on “people I care about”. Random strangers trying to one-up me or minimize my experience by weighing it against something they think is comparable can get fucked.
There's nothing quite like the camaraderie of sitting around with your friends nursing various injuries and illnesses as if you've just survived a boss fight. As my mother would say "we want putting in a bag and shaking up" (and there might be enough for one working body between us)
Especially for me the well-meaning ones who earnestly think that they might be helping and then who are absolutely crushed (or sulk) when you try to decline their suggestions or offers of unhelpful help. I'd be thrilled if folks even just learned to ask first.
I could live with the unsolicited advice if it wasn’t followed by ‘don’t you want to get better?’ every time I don’t immediately get excited about magic tea or crystals or that one specific yoga instructor.
I’m not disabled because I like being sick.
My usual anecdote is the time a supply TA I'd only met 1hr ago told me I should drink more water for my Chronic Migraine WHILE I WAS DRINKING WATER. 😮💨
(At that point it came up in convo pretty fast as I was wearing sunglasses and ear plugs at work a lot lol).
“You have long covid? Oh you know since I had covid a year ago I get winded climbing up the stairs. And I get these headaches” guess what— you have long covid too buddy and I’m happy to refer you to some resources. This being the only time it’s appropriate to offer advice.
As someone who is undergoing cancer treatment and the associated sickness and compromised immunity, the thing that I get from people is "OMG you are so brave" and I'm like I am scared to death some days. No bravery involved, just doing what the doctors want me to do and trying to stay alive.
it's usually something along the lines of "you're so brave, I would never be able to do what you are doing, I couldn't live that way, I wouldn't be able to carry on" etc
they think it's okay though because it's usually front-loaded with a "compliment" about being brave
That movie destroys me.
People that think it's heartwarming make me livid :')
Like. Can we have a single movie with a quadriplegic that doesn't end in "AND THEN THEY DIE AND EVERYONE CLAPS!"
Or anime's that they get magicured ._.
I did not make friends at book club when we read that book. Oh well.
Then a year later, I got a spinal injury. Not nearly the extent as in the book, but I was glad I didn't internalize any of that crap.
I find usually the "compliment" is implied. They're just saying the quiet part out loud.
And I empathise, because I'm sure I said similarly ignorant things before my chronic illness first made itself known. I don't think they're bad people, they just need to examine those thoughts and learn better.
I've had people say things like "I'd rather die than do that" about the most "mild" stuff like dietary restrictions.
(Not minimizing the burden of dietary restrictions at ALL, they are huge and emotional and very complicated, but what a weird hill for people to pick is my point.)
yeah!! I have Celiac disease and people tell me all the time that they'd rather die than not be able to eat bread
like okay, lol, sorry to hear that bread is the only good thing in their lives, hope they feel better soon, lol
Right?!
"Not eating dairy is impossible, I'd rather die"
'I mean, no, I do miss it but--'
"I could never stop eating it"
'...do you understand that terrible things happen to me when I do"
"You must have SO MUCH WILLPOWER"
'I really just prefer functional bowels--'
"YOU'RE SO HEALTHY"
@roxiqt.com I truly get this about Celiac b/c my sister has it. Once her grandson kissed her on the cheek after he ate a cookie; she was in bed for two days with vomiting/diarrhea. She has to use GF skin & hair care products. Hope that you are doing okay.
I have a shellfish allergy and growing up people loved to tell me how great shellfish was and how upset they would be if they were unlucky like me
Well, jokes on them because I went vegan anyways lmao
.....though my cashew allergy is now much more of an obstacle....
yeah I do not at all miss people making unsolicited "you eat so healthy!" comments on my lunch in office break rooms from the before times
just because I can't eat gluten
like y'all could eat this way too if you wanted. no? then keep your comments to yourself eh
(I have a bajillion restrictions these days, but you know, back in the glory days when all I had to really avoid was gluten and soy, and limit lactose)
Bread literally causes me to stop breathing, I PROMISE it is not some kind of mythical diet and exercise weight loss based Willpower. I just really don't want to intentionally ingest something my body will treat as poison.
I feel that, I'm lactose intolerant, so I'm okay with some things (cheese, yogurt) but other things like milk will set me off. While it's not do or die like some others, the side effects are horrible and I'd rather avoid them rather than be in pain on the couch for hours
Idk people don't get that when something in your body changes and you have to adapt, you just adapt because most people want to live regardless of the problem (barring like, extreme cancers and other diseases that make any reasonable QoL near impossible)
I'd like to know how they'd explain that to their children/ spouse/ parents/ friends. "Sorry, folks, I'd rather eat a pizza than spend the next few decades with you."
