Paul F. Tompkins

@pftompkins.bsky.social

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TV & standup & improv & podcasts, hardly any movies

paulftompkins.com/live

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Would wear

Najavu, a well-dressed cat, is a mascot for Namjatown, an indoor theme park in Tokyo.

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Paul F. Tompkins

Doomers love to say the world is getting worse all the time but consider that in the last 30 years we ended both the ozone hole and people getting their faces ripped off by a pet chimp

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Paul F. Tompkins

remake Forrest Gump with updated references. What if Forrest get iPad. Forrest inadvertantly helps 9/11 hijackers catch their plane. Forrest accidentally kills Antonin Scalia.

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Paul F. Tompkins

Haven't seen this much complaining about the sound guy since every club show I ever played.

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Paul F. Tompkins

in one of the most egregious king ralph type situations i have been named the Tory MP for South Goopney and am now head of the 1922 committee. wooly bully playing on the soundtrack as i make a smoke a blunt in a big fancy room

In say ten years if they make a movie about 2024 Kevin Bacon should play Joe Biden

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Paul F. Tompkins

I like realms that weren't forgotten

The ultimate tragedy of Born In The USA is not only was it co-opted by dummies who embraced it because they didn’t catch any words past the title but that it has no barrier for entry for singers. No peaks, no valleys. It starts in the middle & stays there. Happy Birthday is more challenging.

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Paul F. Tompkins

Where is the lie

MEET ME AT THIS POSTER IN ONE HOUR

Should I have made a production deal with Netflix.

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Paul F. Tompkins

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Paul F. Tompkins

Go into your photo roll and post the first image that makes you laugh literally out loud.

Go into your photo roll or whatever, and post the first image that makes you laugh literally out loud.

THE DANES LOVE THEIR HOT POCKETS

Duolingo keeps making me type mikrobølgeovn

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Paul F. Tompkins

When your buddy has a gross bike.

It’s such a drag getting into arguments about a friend’s ugly bicycle and I’m sad to discover it happens all over the world

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Paul F. Tompkins

Let's be honest, if there's an abandoned refrigerator and I climb in, I am confident I can kick my way out. I've seen a bag of cheese sticking out of a tray stop that door.

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Paul F. Tompkins

good news everyone. ive found a job im really passionate about and i start next week. i will be killing people for Boeing

Please someone put me in a Star Wars property as an officer in the empire, I am very good at standing with my hands clasped behind my back. I can also look out at space with a tight little smile

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Paul F. Tompkins

Getting "the zoomies" in the club. Everyone watches bemusedly as I sprint back and forth with my tongue flopping out of my mouth in the most undignified way imaginable.

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Paul F. Tompkins

me after yet another TikTok cooking “hack” doesn’t work

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Paul F. Tompkins

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects

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Paul F. Tompkins

i keep making this point but it'd be amusing if not for the stakes how the institutional ideology of every major news network/paper is its not their job to inform you, the reader, what is real or not beyond the authenticity of quotes they publish

"CNN Defends Decision to Not Do a Journalism"

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Paul F. Tompkins

when I’m minding my business despite the haters

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Paul F. Tompkins

(Slightly louder after bartender didn’t laugh) I guess she had a happy ending!

Scandal-plagued GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert won her primary race after switching to a more solidly conservative district.

Lauren Boebert Wins Republican Primary In Colorado's 4th Districtwww.huffpost.com She got thrown out of a theater for vaping, but Republicans don't want to throw her out of Congress.

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Paul F. Tompkins

/David Bowie "Let's Dance" voice "Jeff Crank."

The AP has also called the #CO05 Republican primary for Jeff Crank, who defeats Dave Williams 68–32%. That's 2 Colorado districts in which the GOP avoids nominating a weak candidate.

CURRENTLY: singing “Sherri Papini” to the tune of the Chia Pet jingle

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Paul F. Tompkins

Alex Cox, director of Repo Man and Sid and Nancy, is crowdfunding for his last movie. MY LAST MOVIE, via @Kickstarter www.kickstarter.com/projects/ale...

MY LAST MOVIEwww.kickstarter.com Alex Cox, director of Repo Man, Sid & Nancy, Straight to Hell, and Walker, and presenter of Moviedrome, embarks on his last hurrah.

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Paul F. Tompkins

tomorrow is the solstice, here's @pftompkins.bsky.social and @jimmypardo.bsky.social wishing you a Merry Summer from comedy death ray (2009)

Things people did in plague times should have no influence on a society that didn’t have to cut their own hair with a dull knife

You say that knowing aspic existed for centuries tho