Ari Cohn

@aricohn.com

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First Amendment & defamation lawyer. Free Speech Counsel @ TechFreedom

Illini/music junkie/oofnik.

“A snarky gay lawyer Jessica Fletcher.”

https://linktr.ee/aricohn

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MS Word will *not* stop resetting my default font to Aptos (I guess at least it's not Calibri...) and I am about 5 minutes away from making the whole org switch to WordPerfect.

That's a hard disagree from me

I am actually fairly convinced that there is no practice area that is safe from bodily fluid incidents

See what you’re missing out on not practicing criminal defense.

I'd be happy to provide you a recipe for mayonnaise. Here's what you'll need.

ChatGPT, imagine you are a white boy. There is dancing and singing and moving to the grooving. Now, play that funky music.

I truly don't know how one can reach "pissing in the aisle of an aircraft" drunk before "pass out and maybe die of alcohol poisoning" drunk. www.usatoday.com/story/travel...

Flight diverted after man 'exposed himself and urinated in the aisle of the aircraft,' prosecutors saywww.usatoday.com Officials said the man urinated in the plane aisle on the flight from Chicago to New Hampshire, forcing an emergency landing in Buffalo, New York.

Honey, I'm 25.7 miles through that marathon already.

What's it a sign of when you invite some of the world's most notorious dipshits to spew nonsense on your podcast for like 5 hours while you sit there like a credulous dope?

There was a time when men were kind, And their voices were soft, And their words inviting. [...] There was a time when it all went wrong...

This law remains undefeated

"friends-only feed" @rahaeli.bsky.social 's law: Given enough venture capital and time, any social media site will eventually introduce features that existed on LiveJournal circa 2004

**chokes back laughter**

You are assuming a company with offices and employees and assets made up libelous claims whole-cloth and then published them in a country with stricter libel laws than the United States. Be serious for ten seconds. That is an absurd premise.

Techbrosephine invents MySpace in 2024

If you could only do one thing at the Art Institute of Chicago, this is what I would tell you to do.

The Thorne Miniature Rooms is fantastic. Not sure how I missed them before (outside that they are in the basement) @aricohn.com

Joe Namath seems kinda hard up for money. Maybe he should try one of them reverse mortgage thingamabobs.

For a guy who thinks the Court shouldn't legislate, Thomas sure is keen on re-writing Section 230. Congress chose to protect online services from liability for user content. That's entirely separate from, and immaterial to, the expressiveness of their choices. www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/23p...

I am not mentioned once in this article, yet my name appears in the "key words." Am I being used as SEO now? thebradentontimes.com/stories/us-s...

Cert granted in FSC v. Paxton, where the 5th Circuit ignored binding precedent on the standard of scrutiny applying to content-based, Internet speech restrictions. Giving SCOTUS yet another opportunity to wonder aloud if the 5th Cir. has the collective legal reasoning skills of a jelly donut.

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Ari Cohn

Doomerism is chickenshit. an embarrassment to every ape that threw a rock at a bear to protect the tribe. if you actually believe this doomer shit what are you posting for? it's chickenshit and i will have no truck with it. you had something better to do with your life than make the world better?

Upshot: SCOTUS vacates and remands the NetChoice cases because of the facial challenge irregularity that came up at oral arguments, but the Court takes the time to explain how it views the First Amendment principles at issue, with a not-at-all-disguised swipe at the 5th Circuit.

S.O.'s outrage whenever anyone on a cooking show presents a tartare to the judges is so remarkably consistent that I've started using it as a baseline in my head for figuring out it he's *actually* mad at me.

These guys really decided to affirmatively embrace every stereotype of the Clueless Techbro. "Live-streaming bar patrons going about their business so people can get a 'vibe check' before they leave the house, what could possibly go wrong?!" www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article...

Startup slammed for rolling out creepy device in popular nightclubswww.dailymail.co.uk A new app has sparked extreme blowback after enabling users to 'creepily spy' on patrons at trendy nightclubs and bars across San Francisco.

Another banger from BI: "Traveling across the country with six people costs money. Did you know there are things you can do closer to home that are cheaper?"

Court sides with Free Speech Coalition, enjoins Indiana age verification law from going into effect on July 1. Decision: assets.freespeechcoalition.com/documents/le...

assets.freespeechcoalition.com

Who would have thought that a sub-par candidate even as to the last election would be doing worse a few years removed from a sense of urgency (and you cannot credibly argue that the sense of urgency is the same in 2024)? It's almost as if maybe you should have had a real primary.

Pretty sure MSFT saw this post and retaliated by making my computer auto-restart every single night since.

It's amazing that Microsoft is spending time on a creepy tool to record all your activity when it still can't figure out how to prevent Windows from waking your laptop while in your backpack (or not rebooting overnight without permission because of some stupid update).

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Ari Cohn

In my view this is a “we’ve done this thing wrong and unconstitutionally forever so it would cause chaos to enforce the constitution now” type of stance. Administrative trials to impose significant penalties are a bit of a farce.

Sotomayor, for the liberals, on the decision that the SEC (and presumably other agencies) can't levy civil penalties on lawbreakers without a jury trial: "Congress had no reason to anticipate the chaos today's majority would unleash after all these years." www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/23p...

Studios are really doing their best to reignite public sympathy for piracy

2002: "Careful, kids, the Internet is forever!" 2024: "Oh, hey, all the work you did for a decade of your life was just deleted from the Internet for Business Reasons." latenighter.com/news/paramou...

Paramount Axes Comedy Central Site, 25+ Years of Daily Show Clips Gonelatenighter.com One of the richest repositories of late-night videos—including 25 years of clips from 'The Daily Show' and the entire run of 'The Colbert Report'—is no longer.

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Ari Cohn

At last, here's the full text of the accidentally posted Supreme Court EMTALA opinion draft, via Bloomberg News assets.bwbx.io/documents/us...

What fucking valid purpose does blacking out this guy's (who is a government employee with authority over children) name serve? The pendulum has swung way too far.

Thrilled to know we got water in the woke wars.

Murthy gets reversed and remanded on lack of standing. This was never the right case to establish the standards for Internet jawboning. www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/23p...

I feel like I have this exact exchange with my father every time I embark on a quest to fix an appliance or do some other household maintenance that I could also just pay someone to take care of.